Episode 7

Intro to Therapy

🎙️ Intro to Therapy – What No One Tells You

Episode Summary:

Therapy: It’s personal, it’s important, and sometimes… it’s misunderstood. If you’ve ever wondered what actually happens in those sessions, how to find the right therapist, or if therapy is even right for you, you’re in the right place.

In this episode of The Mirror Project, we’re sharing our personal journeys with therapy—what first brought us there, what we’ve learned, and the misconceptions we had to unlearn. Spoiler alert: therapy isn’t about someone fixing you. It’s about doing the work, and sometimes, that work is uncomfortable.

🔹 Our therapy experiences – What got us started, what surprised us, and what we’ve taken away from it.

🔹 Therapy 101 – How to find the right therapist, signs it’s time to switch, and debunking common myths.

🔹 Resources & advice – Where to start, how to navigate costs, and tools to support your mental wellness.

If you’re therapy-curious, already in it, or just here for some honest conversation—let’s get into it.


🎧 Listen Now on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or your favorite platform!

 

✨ Our Therapy Journeys

✔️ Why we each decided to start therapy.

✔️ Expectations vs. reality—what we thought it would be like vs. what we learned.

✔️ The difference between in-person and virtual therapy.


✨ Therapy 101 – What to Know Before You Start

✔️ Common myths—therapy isn’t about getting “fixed” or only for people in crisis.

✔️ How to find the right therapist—where to look and what to consider.

✔️ When to switch—signs it’s not a good fit and how to move on.

✔️ What to expect in your first session—yes, it might feel awkward!


Resources

✔️ Finding a therapist—Psychology Today (US), British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy or NHS (UK), and Psychology Today – Canada or Canadian Counselling and Psychotherapy Association (Canada)

✔️ Options for therapy—insurance, sliding scale, and online platforms like BetterHelp or Talkspace.

✔️ Mental health apps—Headspace, Calm, and Moodfit for extra support.

✔️ Crisis resources—988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, Crisis Text Line (text HOME to 741741).

✔️ Breaking the stigma—why getting help isn’t a weakness but a strength.


📲 Connect With Us!

💬 Follow us on Instagram, TikTok, & YouTube: @mirrorprojectpod

☕ Support us on Buy Me a Coffee: Support Us Here

📩 DM us your questions & topic suggestions – We’d love to hear from you!

👉 Next week’s episode:

Hit that like, follow, and subscribe button, and we’ll see you next time! 🎙️✨

Transcript
Christine:

Hello and welcome to The Mirror Project.

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We are your hosts, Christine,

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Alexandra: and Alexandra.

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Christine: and we're thrilled

to have you with us today.

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We're talking about a topic that's

personal, important, and sometimes

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a little misunderstood or a lot

a bit misunderstood therapy.

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If you ever wondered what actually

happens in those sessions, how to find

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the right therapist, or even if there is

right for you, you're in the right place.

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Alexandra, and I'll be

sharing your own experiences.

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What first brought us to therapy, what

we've learned along the way, and some of

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the misconceptions we've had to unlearn.

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Spoiler alert, it's not about

someone magically fixing you, it's

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about doing the work, and sometimes

that work is really uncomfortable.

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We'll also be breaking down how to

navigate therapy from finding the

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right therapist to knowing when

it's time to switch things up.

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So whether you're therapy, curious

already in the thick of it or just

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here to listen to us overshare.

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Let's get into it.

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Alexandra: I love that

intro there, Christine.

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That was great.

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Let's get over, get, let's

get ready to overshare.

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Christine: Let's do it.

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Alexandra: okay, so Christine, you said

we're gonna start off with our journeys.

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Christine: Hmm.

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Alexandra: What first

brought you to therapy?

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Christine: Bad, bad things.

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Bad things happening.

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So therapy, I'll be honest, I'm,

I'm currently, you know, I'm not in,

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I don't know what the term is, but I'm

not actively seeing a therapist right now.

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I would love to, I.

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It's a goal of mine, but my experiences

with therapy have always been situational

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when things have happened to me.

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So yeah, it's, it's kind of a unique,

I don't know if it's that unique.

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It might be a lot of people's

experience with therapy.

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You know, situations happened several

years ago that my family and I

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weren't equipped to handle on our own.

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And so that left us needing

help to navigate it.

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And I have done therapy a

handful of times since then.

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Yeah, I'll, I'll never forget the,

the one experience in particular that

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has had truly has stuck with me was I

did some, a session with my sisters.

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Alexandra: Mm-hmm.

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Christine: not because we needed

to work things out between us, but

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we needed, we collectively had gone

through something as a family, and

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my sisters and I decided

to do a session together.

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And yeah, I guess, that's, that's been

my, that's been my experience since then.

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I've, done, you know, one-off things

here and there when in the last

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episode I mentioned some turmoil that

was happening with extended family.

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Met with a family therapist a handful

of times to sort of deal with that

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figure out a way to understand

what I want my boundaries to be.

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And it was helpful to have someone

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Alexandra: Mm-hmm.

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Christine: definitely having, it's hard

for me to say that the person was truly

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objective because they obviously had been

working with other members of my immediate

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family, my, my parents and sister.

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I don't know if my sister,

but but certainly objective

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to the situation, right?

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Like they didn't know the other

family member who this was about.

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So it was helpful in regards to

giving me tools and strategies

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that I've definitely still use and

is quite applicable, applicable

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to other situations that come up.

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But anyway,

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Alexandra: So, I have a

question for you, Christine,

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Christine: Oh, okay.

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Alexandra: as we were down, planning

out this episode, writing down some

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notes, Christine had an epiphany

and, and would you like to share with

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the class what, what that epiphany

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Christine: Oh my gosh, it was so silly.

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Okay, so I just said, as we were

working on the, on the outline,

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I was like, well, therapy's not

supposed to be hard, or sorry, well,

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therapy's not supposed to be easy.

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And Alex was like, oh my gosh.

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I was like, yes.

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My pearls of wisdom.

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You're welcome.

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Captain Obvious over here, but I just met

I think a lot of people can underestimate

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the hard work that therapy is.

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That's, that's more so what I meant.

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Alexandra: Because everyone, we

were on, we were on FaceTime and

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we were talking about this, and

I think I just looked at her.

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I was like, No

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Christine: No shit.

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Sherlock, right?

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Uhhuh.

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Alexandra: It was, it was beautiful

the way that you delivered it.

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That was just Chef's kiss.

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Christine: you're welcome.

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I'm here all week.

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But anyway, Alexandra we've heard

enough from me and my pearls of wisdom.

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would love for you to share

your experiences, my dear?

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Alexandra: Sure.

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Christine: Where do you wanna start?

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Alexandra: something new.

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Certainly mentioned it.

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I was so excited when we were

looking for episodes for April that

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I was like, can we finally talk

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Christine: she was funny.

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She came to me and she's so we haven't

come up with a topic for this episode yet.

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I was like, okay, you got any ideas?

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And she's like, yes, let's

finally talk about therapy.

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And I'm like.

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Okay, sure.

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Let's talk about therapy.

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And in my head it was like, well,

we'll finally talk about it and then

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we don't have to talk about it again.

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No, I'm kidding.

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I'm kidding.

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Alexandra: But I'm like, she's incorrect.

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We can find a way to

slip it in any episode.

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Christine: Fair enough.

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But we're finally doing it.

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We're dedicating a whole

conversation to it and All right.

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Give it to us.

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Please share, please, please share

what you like about your experiences.

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Alexandra: around February last year,

I know we did a two part episode of

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Body Health and Image, where I think I

first originally talked about something

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that had brought me first time ever to

therapy, and that was my eating disorder.

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And, I was a teenager and my, my

mom was very supportive and there

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was no if, ands or buts I was going

to therapy because she did not

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want to see me end up in a hospital

having really done damage to myself,

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due to the eating disorder.

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So that was my first time in therapy.

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Christine: How old were you?

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Alexandra: oh gosh, how old was I?

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Sophomore, junior year of high school.

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Christine: So 16, 17 ish.

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Alexandra: Yeah.

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Yeah.

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15, 16.

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16.

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I think around that time, you

know, super fun time hormones,

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eating disorder, body dysmorphia.

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Christine: Yeah.

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Alexandra: time.

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Christine: Are you believe

the best time of your life?

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Alexandra: Hmm.

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Christine: No,

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Alexandra: So, hmm.

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And I,

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know that I've talked about this a

lot with Christine, but I will say my

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Christine: I,

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Alexandra: experience with a therapist

and my mom had found, a therapist

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who specialized in eating disorders.

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I

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Christine: mm

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Alexandra: did that.

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Fuck me up more.

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Christine: mm I don't know.

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Alexandra: my first experience

with therapy was, and I saw her

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for a while, was not the best.

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Christine: Hmm.

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Alexandra: I think after a while I

was telling my mom about some stuff

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that the therapist was telling me

and, and because my behaviors were

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changing but not getting better.

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Christine: Okay.

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Alexandra: and my mom and I

was sitting down with my mom.

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She's oh my gosh, Okay.

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She's there's still no fans or buts,

you're just going to therapy, but we are

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gonna find you a different therapist.

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Christine: Hmm

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Alexandra: And we did

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Christine: mm-hmm.

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Alexandra: Much better,

much better experience.

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Christine: How long were you seeing

that other therapist before you got to

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the point of okay, we need a switch.

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Do you recall?

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Alexandra: I mean, without

looking at a calendar or

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Christine: Yep.

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Alexandra: it was like I

think it was about six months.

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Christine: Oh, wow.

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Alexandra: it was a good long time.

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Christine: Yeah.

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Alexandra: six months before I

was like, shit's not working.

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and then I found another one who I

saw through the end of high school

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and a little bit into the first year

of college when I would come home.

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Christine: Oh, I, I didn't realize.

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Alexandra: and then for a little bit,

I think when I first went home, I had

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a, a break over winter session and

then I started seeing an internist no,

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an ex internist, an ex internist who

was part of the psychology department

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master's at Seton Hall for a year.

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Christine: Oh

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' Alexandra: cause CAPS would

only let you see them for a

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year, which is a silly rule.

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Christine: okay.

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Alexandra: so I have

quite a few therapists.

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And then towards the end of college and

grad school, I was seeing somebody who

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was in, in town not related to the campus.

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And that was a good experience

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Christine: Hmm.

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Alexandra: I have.

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More recently since my dad

passed, come back to therapy.

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Even though before that I was like,

I think I need to go back to therapy.

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So I've had a journey with

the therapist and finding very

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lucky, finding good people.

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But gonna leave it open to Christine to

ask me questions 'cause I feel like I

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could talk and finite about this, but to

keep it kind of focused, Christine, if,

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if you wanna prompt some questions for me,

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Christine: Sure.

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So what was like that initial

conversation, like if there was much

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of one, when mom, when your mom, you

know, after learning what was happening

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with you and what you were struggling

with with your eating disorder what was

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that conversation like around therapy?

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Was it,

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do you recall what that was like?

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Alexandra: I don't recall like really

that conversation, but I feel like the

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general gist of it was My mom was like?

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there's help that you need

that I cannot give you and I do

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Christine: Hmm.

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Alexandra: see you in a place

that she's seen family members and

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friends get to with hospitalization.

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Christine: Hmm.

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Alexandra: I think that was

a really tough conversation.

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And she's you know, as a

parent I can't help my child.

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Christine: Yeah.

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Alexandra: and she's like, this is

really only for your, your betterment.

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This is not like a punishment.

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You did nothing wrong.

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But I do want you to talk to somebody

to figure out how you can cope with

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and, and learn to handle the different,

I, I hate to say voices 'cause that

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a worse issue, but like the different

things in your head kind of making you

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feel like you for me with anorexia it

was, it was counting calories and, and

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exercising too much and or not really

consuming enough to feel my body.

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And a lot of that was tied into image

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Christine: Mm-hmm.

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Alexandra: Even at my thinnest I

was still So unhappy with my body.

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Like it was a very vicious cycle.

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And in, in many ways, I think it

prevented me from feeling like I could

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fully live my life in the sense of I

had to wait until had to wait until

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I was pretty enough, until I was thin

enough, and then, and the boy, then the

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boys that I liked would like me back.

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Then I would do well at life.

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And well that's not what my

mom wanted me go through.

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So she was like, let's, let's find

you somebody who, and, and I don't

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know that she had really experienced

much with therapy up to that point.

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So we, we felt naively maybe better

going to an eating disorder specialist.

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Christine: So was that okay?

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Many questions have

popped into my head now.

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So first I'll start with, okay, you've

had that, that conversation happens.

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How are you feeling?

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Do you even wanna do that?

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Do you even wanna go?

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Are you, what's going, what

was going through your head?

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Do you, did you want that to happen?

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Or?

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Alexandra: I mean, I definitely

did not wanna end up hospitalized

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and I didn't want to damage my, my

body and internal, internal organs

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so much with what I was doing.

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But I think there was this I felt

like I couldn't stop on my own either.

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So I

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Christine: Hmm.

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Alexandra: yeah, I do

need some external help.

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And I was driving at the time, so

really was my responsibility to

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get myself to my appointments and

I never missed an appointment.

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so I, I knew it was important.

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And interestingly, I, I know we'll

probably talk about this throughout the

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show, as you said, therapy is not easy.

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And therapy only works as much as

you're willing to put in the effort.

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And there was have been a lot of times in

my life where I have done lip service in

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therapy to saying, I want to do better.

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I wanna change, I'm here to change.

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And I'll say that really in the past,

since end of:

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fed up enough with myself how I was, and

how I kept thinking about things that I

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just went into my, in my therapist office

after in Akashic record reading I had.

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And I was like, I'm, this is it.

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I'm over myself.

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I

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Christine: Mm-hmm.

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Alexandra: No more.

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I am, I am over it.

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Let actually freaking change.

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So help me get there.

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Hold, hold me responsible,

hold my feet to the fire.

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To get there.

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Christine: Hmm.

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Alexandra: I've actually seen, and

not that I, not that therapy for the

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years that I did, it didn't work.

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And then there weren't active

wonderful tools that I learned, but

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I was like, I'm finally to a point

where I was like, Nope, no more.

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I'm not doing this.

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I'm not on this hamster

wheel of insanity anymore.

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Going around the same freaking path

that has led me not to where I wanna go.

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So now I'm here.

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And it seems to be working

and not as fast as I want to,

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or not as simple as I want to

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Christine: Hmm.

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Alexandra: Even though as I looked

at her and went, duh, there are

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moments where I fall into that

fallacy, that trap of somebody fix me.

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It's

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Christine: Yeah.

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Do it for me.

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Alexandra: decision,

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Christine: I,

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Alexandra: up, I'm putting the work.

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Why aren't the results here

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Christine: mm mm Sure.

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Sure.

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Right.

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Huh.

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And then you mentioned you were seeing

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Alexandra: Mm-hmm.

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Christine: a therapist who

specialized with eds was there

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for a significant amount.

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Six months is a long time.

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Alexandra: Mm-hmm.

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Christine: How often were you going,

were you going More than once a week.

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Alexandra: No, I think it was once a week,

once every other week, I think at the

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Christine: Okay.

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That's still a lot.

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Six months.

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Alexandra: I did not go, the only

time I've been more than once a week

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in my life was mostly last year,

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Christine: Hmm.

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Alexandra: bit in 23 last year.

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Christine: Okay.

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When you did switch, was that therapist

a specialist in EDS as well, or no.

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Alexandra: Oh.

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Christine: Specifically, or do you

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Alexandra: don't think she

was, I think I don't wanna say

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like more like a generalist

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Christine: Hmm.

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Alexandra: don't remember.

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I think my mom found her, so I'd

have to ask, but like she no, I

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don't believe she was a specialist in

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Christine: Okay.

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Alexandra: eds.

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Christine: But significantly

a better experience for you

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and, and was, and was helpful.

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Alexandra: it was helpful.

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It really, she definitely

started me on the path of.

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Viewing situ situations from a

different perspective, a different

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Christine: Hmm.

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Alexandra: And for a

while that really helped.

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And, and of course, being a teenager,

there was a lot of additional changes

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that were happening at the time.

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So,

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Christine: Sure.

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Alexandra: that would've been a

very different experience being an

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adult where some of those hormonal

changes weren't, you know, as crazy

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as they were would have been a very

different therapy experience as well.

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Christine: hmm.

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Okay.

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Okay.

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And then yeah, I don't know if I, I

realized that once you came to college,

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Alexandra: Hmm.

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Christine: I knew you had

started seeing someone in town

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Alexandra: Mm-hmm.

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Christine: a few years after we first met.

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What was it like experiencing the

services through our university?

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Because I never did

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Alexandra: it was interesting.

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I, I think I.

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did it because like insurance covered

it and it was part of, you know.

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Tuition or something like that.

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So it was, it worked out like I

didn't have to pay, but I think that

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was mostly because of insurance,

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Christine: I got it.

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Alexandra: would have to check.

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It.

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was really interesting.

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So I worked, not with a

fully licensed therapist,

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Christine: Mm-hmm.

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Alexandra: somebody who was in

their master's program getting

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their hours to become a therapist.

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And she was younger, and I mean

that in the sense of she was

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a young, like a grad student.

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Christine: Yeah.

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Alexandra: felt,

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Christine: twenties.

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Alexandra: yeah, yeah.

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It felt like a little

bit more comfortable.

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The two, the two

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Christine: Mm-hmm.

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Alexandra: seen were much older

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Christine: Mm-hmm.

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Alexandra: The second therapist I

had in high school, she was really

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a good personality match for me.

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Very calm, very measured

which was super helpful.

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The first one was a very let alone

a lot of other things, mismatch.

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It was a little strange.

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All of our sessions were recorded because

she needed the recordings for, you know.

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her program and what she was doing

and how things had to be documented?

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Christine: Okay.

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Did you feel like that sort

of, , made you feel like you had

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to sort of police what you were

saying or hold back in a sense or?

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Alexandra: yeah.

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:

I think there were, not all

the time, but sometimes yes.

386

:

Which I think is another thing that

is, you do yourself a disservice

387

:

if you're holding back in therapy.

388

:

Christine: hmm.

389

:

Alexandra: Definitely

helped me with some things.

390

:

but then after the year was up, it was

like, couldn't see anyone else there, I

391

:

Christine: Oh, you couldn't see any?

392

:

That's so interesting.

393

:

Alexandra: think so I remember trying

to go back and then I was like, they're

394

:

like, yeah, you can't see anyone.

395

:

But I don't know if

that's changed since then.

396

:

Christine: Hmm.

397

:

Alexandra: So, point, that's when I was

starting to look for somebody in town and

398

:

it, and actually, no, I took a break from

therapy for a few years and then it was

399

:

during the, the, really the last portion

of my master's program that I was like, I

400

:

Christine: Mm-hmm.

401

:

Alexandra: help to cope with a lot of this

402

:

Christine: Mm-hmm.

403

:

Alexandra: and not lose

my ever-loving mind.

404

:

Christine: Sure.

405

:

Sure.

406

:

Alexandra: but back to the eating

disorder, I would say by high school is

407

:

when like end of high school, like the

eating disorder had of run its course.

408

:

I don't wanna say it was fixed or cured by

any means, but I had stopped intentionally

409

:

counting, like I had stopped counting

calories and I had stopped doing some

410

:

of the more I had stopped not eating.

411

:

But but I, I don't wanna say that it

has taken a very long, long, long road

412

:

to, honestly, probably the past year

and a half is when I've seen real change.

413

:

With how my mental patterns around

how I think food, exercise, the

414

:

relationship health of my body, what

I wanna look like how I approach

415

:

losing weight to be my healthiest

version, not the skinniest version.

416

:

Christine: Mm.

417

:

Alexandra: you know, I mean, it is,

in some ways I think an ED can be all

418

:

consuming your mind in a, in a way

that people who haven't experienced

419

:

it may not really ever understand.

420

:

and a lot of it has to do with control

421

:

Christine: Hmm,

422

:

Alexandra: out of control in a lot of

areas of life, particularly as a teenager

423

:

to going, this is something I can control.

424

:

And, and how warped your thought

patterns can become around it.

425

:

Christine: Hmm.

426

:

Sure.

427

:

Yeah, I, I know someone very dear

and close to me who is struggling

428

:

right now with an eating disorder and

429

:

you know, it's.

430

:

It's hard to see someone go through that.

431

:

And I, as a result, I'm learning so much.

432

:

I mean, I already started to learn so much

when we got to know each other and became

433

:

so close and it's something I'll never

fully understand, but I definitely have

434

:

you know, just have learned so

much by people being people so

435

:

close to me experiencing it.

436

:

And it is certainly instilled in me

like the, the drive to learn more,

437

:

educate others because it is something

that I think, potentially many people.

438

:

Struggle with and may not even

realize it in, in varying degrees.

439

:

I mean, I could be

wrong in that, but yeah.

440

:

Okay.

441

:

Alexandra: when, when I was a teenager,

there was really two big ones anorexia and

442

:

Christine: Mm-hmm.

443

:

Alexandra: I was definitely more

anorexic than bulimia, but there were

444

:

a few moments where I would have like

binge habits, just never purging.

445

:

And, and I remember maybe in college, I

think I looked up the stats or something

446

:

that, a reporting of of men I like

447

:

Christine: Hmm mm

448

:

Alexandra: they've got an eating

disorder is very, very low and

449

:

probably not accurate reflection of

the population who experienced that.

450

:

But in the

451

:

Christine: sure.

452

:

Alexandra: I think 5,

6, 7 years maybe longer.

453

:

Orthorexia is a newer eating disorder.

454

:

And if people don't know what that

is, it's, it's obsession with food and

455

:

exercise in a way that sometimes disguised

as healthy habits and healthy eating.

456

:

Christine: Mm

457

:

Alexandra: so like an obsession with

eating healthy and clean to be to a

458

:

disordered extent, or exercising to

a disordered extent and working out

459

:

usually in tandem and you know, so that

mean, I've often looked at the, that

460

:

I've really looked at the bodybuilding

industry, but I that and I can't

461

:

imagine how many competitors don't

end up with some sort of disordered

462

:

eating habits their body to do that.

463

:

Whether it be orthorexia or just

disordered eating that's not, dunno,

464

:

fully tipped into an eating disorder.

465

:

This is somebody talking.

466

:

Who, who doesn't have a psychology

degree, but my own experience.

467

:

So yeah, it is,

468

:

Christine: Right.

469

:

Alexandra: a, a range and it's

470

:

Christine: Hmm.

471

:

Alexandra: just, you know, I

don't wanna say the old two.

472

:

Christine: Right?

473

:

Alexandra: ways that disordered

eating habits can start.

474

:

I,

475

:

Christine: Hmm.

476

:

Sure.

477

:

Alexandra: and I think it's

a much more mental game,

478

:

Christine: Absolutely.

479

:

Alexandra: expression.

480

:

Christine: Yeah.

481

:

Yeah.

482

:

It's, it's kind of, something that's

really struck me as I've gotten older and

483

:

understanding better the, what it truly

means, like what health and wellness

484

:

really means how intertwined everything

is and, and like how your mind plays.

485

:

Probably the biggest role in

everything else that goes on with you.

486

:

And I've certainly, come around to

the idea of the importance of therapy.

487

:

I think, you know, growing up I

definitely had misconceptions of it

488

:

and maybe even at one point thought it

was like, oh, therapy going to therapy

489

:

is like sign of weakness or whatever

BS I was thinking at the, at the time

490

:

because I was uneducated and a kid.

491

:

Alexandra: Yeah.

492

:

Or thinking that you have to go to therapy

because of mental illness or there's

493

:

Christine: Sure.

494

:

Alexandra: Like I, I think

that's a huge misconception.

495

:

Christine: right.

496

:

Exactly.

497

:

And, and to be honest, I think

it was largely in part due to the

498

:

conversation around therapy at the

time, at the time you know, growing

499

:

up it wasn't something talked about,

it was always something hush hush.

500

:

It was referred to like there for.

501

:

A very, very long time.

502

:

I'm sure still even to this day is the

idea of your therapist is a shrink.

503

:

It's like head shrinking, you

know, whatever weird, warped a

504

:

thought around that all was and,

and how it just sort of stuck.

505

:

So yeah, I I certainly

have come around to.

506

:

To the idea of therapy.

507

:

I, I see the benefits of it.

508

:

I see the, that it's not, like

you said, not something that's

509

:

just to be used in times of crisis

or when something bad happens.

510

:

It's, it's honestly just like going,

getting your going to the doctor and,

511

:

and getting your yearly physical done,

or it's, it's, it's like checkup.

512

:

It's a checkup for your mind, you know?

513

:

And you can use that as frequently

or infrequently as you, as you

514

:

need because ev everything,

every situation's different.

515

:

Alexandra: Yeah.

516

:

And I think looking at it like a moment of

you are cured, I mean, I think there was

517

:

a point in like high school where I kind

of got to that when I was seeing somebody.

518

:

They're like, oh yeah,

you're, you're good.

519

:

You're good to go.

520

:

I was like, okay.

521

:

But still I feeling

like I wasn't, you know?

522

:

And so I think that there are things

that lifelong journeys and, you know,

523

:

whatever you're, you're dealing with.

524

:

And sometimes it's like you

said, even just real life.

525

:

It, it, it is so helpful.

526

:

As you mentioned, having a third party.

527

:

Person not involved in the

situation, giving you a perspective.

528

:

And it's a very different

perspective than if I were to talk

529

:

to Christine and ask for her thoughts

or my mother or somebody else.

530

:

Because this is truly a person not

involved with the situation who can give

531

:

you like, yeah, that, this is right,

or well, your behavior contributed to

532

:

this and then therefore this result.

533

:

So it's, it's very helpful to have

that outside perspective sometimes,

534

:

Christine: Hmm.

535

:

Alexandra: if certain situations not

necessarily in the case of eating

536

:

disorder, but like if you have certain

types of patterns and friendships

537

:

that continually come up, you know,

it may be worth talking to somebody

538

:

like, Hey, why is this happening?

539

:

Which brings to a wonderful

part of this conversation of

540

:

expectations versus reality.

541

:

I know, Christine, you said you had

some, previously held thoughts about

542

:

therapy, but like from your experiences

with therapy, what were your expectations

543

:

and the reality that you experienced?

544

:

Christine: So I don't know.

545

:

I think I think my expectations were

largely colored by what sort of things

546

:

I was seeing in our culture, right?

547

:

Whether it was in television or

movies, like seeing a person lying

548

:

on their back, you know, complaining

to somebody about their problems.

549

:

And, , it was largely of oh, it's an hour

for me to just talk at another person.

550

:

, but in reality, you know, I mean

it is an environment where you are

551

:

encouraged to just freely express what

you're thinking, but then knowing that

552

:

there's a person on the other side of

that who is going to question that or

553

:

offer up another perspective or ask

you if you thought about this or if

554

:

this has come up for you, you know?

555

:

So, I, I think.

556

:

The reality of what therapy really

is, is that idea of it's work, right?

557

:

It's not only work in the moment, but,

but when you leave and go home and when

558

:

you, when you enter your, your day-to-day

life pushing yourself to enact the, the

559

:

tools that your therapist will offer you

or you talk about during your sessions.

560

:

Oops.

561

:

So yeah, I guess that's kind of for

me, like the biggest sort of, not

562

:

only misconception, but like the

expectation versus the reality of it all.

563

:

Alexandra: Yeah,

564

:

Christine: But, you, you have way more

experience with therapy than I do.

565

:

Do you recall, like before you

even started, what your expectation

566

:

was versus, okay, now you've got,

you're like a pro at this point.

567

:

Alexandra: I think my, when

I was a teenager, I thought

568

:

okay, this person is gonna.

569

:

This is gonna be a specific time period.

570

:

I'm gonna come out, I'm gonna

be fixed, I'm gonna be better.

571

:

And this person's gonna

tell me how to do that.

572

:

Well, the expectation is in the,

the reality is very different.

573

:

I think you mentioned it

earlier, it is hard work.

574

:

And I said it, and I will continue to

say it, therapy is only as valuable

575

:

as the effort that you put in.

576

:

And like you said, Christine,

it really, it's not just about

577

:

what's in that session, it's about

how you apply it that session.

578

:

And I think my expectation of being

a, a perfectionist or recovering

579

:

perfectionist and somebody who

really likes results zero to 60.

580

:

So yeah, hence why we went to the

extreme of an eating disorder when I.

581

:

was just trying to lose weight.

582

:

And then, there's a lot

wrapped up into that, right?

583

:

Like I wanted, committed

to something immediately.

584

:

Here are the results.

585

:

Christine: Mm-hmm.

586

:

Alexandra: Therapy does not work that way.

587

:

Much like the process of change.

588

:

Change always happens, but change

is really uncomfortable and we can

589

:

continue to fight it and prolong it.

590

:

And even when you're actively, like

I, last year I said I was like going

591

:

to therapy and I'm like, I'm done.

592

:

I'm fed up.

593

:

I'm over myself.

594

:

And I'm like, okay, great.

595

:

And I had the same expectation to

be confronted by reality again of

596

:

oh yeah, you can, you can put em

in the work, you can do all this.

597

:

But change doesn't happen overnight.

598

:

I didn't just

599

:

Christine: Right.

600

:

Alexandra: I've decided to change

how I'm approaching therapy and

601

:

how I'm approaching my life.

602

:

And wow, look at my life is entirely new.

603

:

Christine: Hmm.

604

:

Alexandra: I keep being

disappointed by that.

605

:

And my therapist keeps working

with me and that, she's we

606

:

know that this doesn't work.

607

:

I was like, I know, I know.

608

:

I still want you know, or like the, the,

the times and the slog where you think.

609

:

Therapy isn't working

because nothing is changing.

610

:

Christine: Hmm.

611

:

Alexandra: sometimes if you're

putting in the work and nothing is

612

:

A lot of that work is internal and

it is setting up great foundations.

613

:

It's just slow.

614

:

So if, if somebody else is listening

you're feeling like maybe therapy isn't

615

:

working, I challenge you to, to really

examine like what you've been trying

616

:

and looking to see where it is working,

even if it's smaller than you think.

617

:

So yeah, that's, I feel

like the expectations versus

618

:

reality from my experience.

619

:

Christine: Hmm, Alright, before we

move on to our next section, why don't

620

:

we touch on a little bit in person

versus virtual slash phone therapy.

621

:

I have my, my limited experience.

622

:

I've, I've done in person and

one, one instance of virtual.

623

:

But Alexandra, I think you have

some more thoughts on this.

624

:

Do you wanna take the lead on this?

625

:

Alexandra: So yeah, I've

done a little bit of both.

626

:

My preference and most of my experience

has been in person, but that second

627

:

therapist I saw in high school who

did help me kind of that first year

628

:

in, in college before I started

going to caps I did a few virtual

629

:

sessions with her from a dorm room.

630

:

There is definitely some ease of

accessibility when it comes to

631

:

phone or virtual appointments.

632

:

Like you do not have to drive

somewhere to set a time aside, time

633

:

to drive somewhere, to, to be in

the session for an hour and drive.

634

:

So there is some benefit of that.

635

:

Personal preference

though, is in person, which

636

:

Christine: Hmm.

637

:

Alexandra: when I I wanted to go

back to therapy after moving to North

638

:

Carolina and honestly before my dad

passed it was like, I, I wanna go back.

639

:

It was definitely during COVID

and everything was virtual

640

:

and I did not want that.

641

:

I think there is something so comforting

to be able to go to somebody's office to

642

:

Christine: Hmm.

643

:

Alexandra: just say, this is

where I'm gonna be for an hour

644

:

in physical time and space.

645

:

And be very open and vulnerable and

I can lay it all out there I think.

646

:

For me when I'm, if I'm doing a session at

virtually at home or somewhere else, even

647

:

if it was in a car, I feel like there's

I would be, as you put it, Christine,

648

:

policing myself of I don't wanna be too

loud, I don't wanna cry too much and

649

:

have somebody hear me through the wall.

650

:

And because honestly, in therapy, like

everything's fair game and if your

651

:

family's pissing you off or bugging

you, Y yeah, you're gonna talk about it.

652

:

And I really didn't want anyone to

hear that and then be upset or hurt

653

:

by it because as we talked about

last episode Christina and I care a

654

:

lot about what other people think.

655

:

So I would definitely say my preference

is to go somewhere to feel like I can, I

656

:

can really just let all the walls drop,

and, and really be there and one minute,

657

:

be totally fine talking about something

that shouldn't make me cry in there.

658

:

I'm crying or something that I

expect to make me cry and bawling

659

:

my eyes out because it's such a

release to finally say something.

660

:

yeah, so that's my, my

personal preferences in person.

661

:

But somebody else may more feel

more comfortable with online.

662

:

I think it really is a bit

of a goldilock situation,

663

:

Christine: Hmm mm

664

:

Alexandra: them, seeing

what really works for you.

665

:

Christine: sure.

666

:

Alexandra: Yeah.

667

:

Christine: Yeah, I was just thinking the

role of, of a therapist is so interesting

668

:

to me because they are someone who knows

probably the most deepest, sometimes

669

:

darkest thoughts that you experience.

670

:

If you are inclined to share them

in your sessions yet where the

671

:

relationship you have they're not

your family, they're not your friend.

672

:

but obviously, you know, they have a

level of care and and respect for you

673

:

because, I mean, you're seeing each

other, you're, you're opening up and,

674

:

and it's very one sided by design.

675

:

I understand.

676

:

But, but being a person who will

never be a therapist, it's, it's,

677

:

it's kind of fascinating for me to

think about what that position is

678

:

you know, like you, you see countless

patients and I'm sure, , hopefully

679

:

the therapist has their therapist.

680

:

Alexandra: Yeah.

681

:

I mean, just to be able to deal with some

of the things that their clients share.

682

:

Christine: yeah.

683

:

Especially when you specialize

in, in such eating disorder or,

684

:

or traumatic things that happen to

people, you know, like not to get.

685

:

Into, into it.

686

:

But there are people who specialize

with people who have been victims

687

:

of, of rape or, or PTSD abuse.

688

:

that's heavy and that is that they've made

to, to take that on because, you know,

689

:

people in, in those situations need help.

690

:

But I don't know.

691

:

What do you think?

692

:

I've never, I've never asked a

therapist so this is kind of a funny

693

:

relationship that you willingly enter

every time a patient walks in the room.

694

:

Alexandra: So maybe I'll ask my

therapist that this week and say Hey,

695

:

Christine: Have you ever thought.

696

:

Alexandra: But no, it is, it's a

very interesting, and I think in

697

:

some ways, like clients can get

very attached to the therapist.

698

:

And it is a very, like

you said, one-sided.

699

:

Relationship.

700

:

And so there are moments where I'm

like, I could see based on what I

701

:

little I know about my therapist,

I'm like, if I wasn't seeing her, I

702

:

could totally see being friends with

703

:

Christine: All right.

704

:

Alexandra: just don't think

that would ever happen.

705

:

As she's great and I would absolutely,

if she wasn't my therapist love to

706

:

be friends with her, but, you know,

she knows so much about me that

707

:

be a very unequal relationship.

708

:

And there the

709

:

Christine: Hmm.

710

:

Alexandra: yeah, and I feel like I'm, I'm

trying to hold some of this information

711

:

'cause I know the, the next section we're

gonna talk is about like our therapy 1 0

712

:

1 and some of this kind of gets into that.

713

:

So I'm trying to hold, you know, like

some, you know, thoughts about the

714

:

role of therapists and, and stuff.

715

:

But yeah, it is a very

interesting predicament.

716

:

I didn't know when I was a kid and

I was really empathic abilities

717

:

and still have that, but I was

like, maybe I should, everyone

718

:

comes, dumps their problems on me.

719

:

Maybe I should be a therapist.

720

:

And then I got to.

721

:

College and I had some wherewithal and

some self preservation of me like, Hmm.

722

:

maybe I don't have enough handle

on that ability to not take on

723

:

other people's stuff to an extreme

that I should not be a therapist.

724

:

But in some ways I think, you know, we've

mentioned I have my own business and in

725

:

some ways it is I don't wanna say quasi

counseling, I don't want people to get the

726

:

wrong idea, but there are moments where my

clients are very vulnerable with me, and

727

:

I do have to, I play a very interesting

role in their life and I have to be like,

728

:

this is something I cannot help you with.

729

:

And here are a list of professionals or

here are resources to find, find people.

730

:

But there really is, I will say

there really is no substitute

731

:

for, for mental health.

732

:

And, and therapy.

733

:

If, if that's what you need, if even if

it's what you don't think you need, I know

734

:

we'll talk about that in a little bit.

735

:

Christine: Well, on that note,

since you've brought it up, let's

736

:

segue into that conversation.

737

:

Shall we?

738

:

Shall we dive into therapy 1 0 1?

739

:

Alexandra: Yes, yes.

740

:

Christine, let's, let's

get into class now.

741

:

Christine: Yeah, well we've, we've

already touched on it a little bit.

742

:

We've kind of talked about

common misconceptions.

743

:

The idea that your

therapist is gonna fix you.

744

:

Yeah, no, yeah.

745

:

You have to do the heavy

lifting there, buddy.

746

:

Or therapy's only for people in

crisis, as we've well established.

747

:

That's not true.

748

:

There therapy's beneficial for self-growth

and not just when the sky is falling.

749

:

Alexandra: Right?

750

:

Yeah.

751

:

Christine: so

752

:

Alexandra: Hey, I'm trying

to change something about me.

753

:

Nothing's going particularly wrong.

754

:

I just

755

:

Christine: yeah.

756

:

Right.

757

:

Alexandra: helpful.

758

:

Christine: So maybe we should start with

talking about finding the right therapist.

759

:

Alexandra: Mm-hmm.

760

:

Christine: do we even start?

761

:

Alexandra: That's a wonderful question.

762

:

Well, in the States, so if we've

found out any listeners outside,

763

:

but the states check your local,

like National Health Institute kind

764

:

Christine: Mm-hmm.

765

:

Alexandra: or like that.

766

:

But in the States if you've got

insurance, health insurance.

767

:

And it covers therapy or be behavioral

medicine, so like cognitive CBT, cognitive

768

:

behavioral therapy, which is I think what

most people would consider talk therapy.

769

:

I mean, there's a many different

forms of therapy, but that's

770

:

the only one I have ever done

771

:

Christine: Mm.

772

:

Alexandra: to see who's in network.

773

:

Depending on your insurance

con company, I'm Sure.

774

:

that they've got resources of

Hey, here's people who are in

775

:

network and where they're located.

776

:

Primary care doctor

can give you referrals.

777

:

I have not had the best luck

with that one personally.

778

:

They try to give me someone in their

health system and sometimes any who,

779

:

Christine: Sure.

780

:

Sure.

781

:

Alexandra: an option.

782

:

Referral from your primary

care and online databases.

783

:

I know we're gonna share some

resources a little bit later.

784

:

Even looking up the therapists

by me just to, to find practices.

785

:

And then once you kind of get a, find

a list of people, if you can find their

786

:

website, if they've got a personal

website, if it's a practice with different

787

:

therapists, like reading through the

bios, if they talk about what kind of

788

:

clients or issues they, they see and deal

with most often, that can be helpful.

789

:

And, and determining that, just if you're

specifically looking for somebody for who

790

:

does grief counseling or, you know, eating

disorders or something, changes of life

791

:

or something that's always super helpful.

792

:

My experience, I, I tend to stay

away from someone who says they

793

:

specialize in some big thing like that.

794

:

And I go for somebody who, who deals

with change in a very broad sense.

795

:

'cause

796

:

Christine: Hmm.

797

:

Alexandra: has worked

for me on my journey.

798

:

But yeah.

799

:

Christine: Yeah, I know for me, I was

sort of introduced to therapists as a

800

:

result of a fam like immediate family

members, you know, also using them.

801

:

But it certainly showed me the

importance of finding of what it

802

:

means to find the right therapist.

803

:

It's not always gonna be a fit.

804

:

It's and that's okay.

805

:

It's like realizing like you shouldn't

force something, if it doesn't work.

806

:

And, and you shared a, a perfect example,

your first experience when, when you

807

:

started seeing a therapist, it wasn't

the right fit and, that's not something

808

:

like you should take personally.

809

:

Like if, if it's not servicing

you, then you need to find

810

:

someone who, who will help you.

811

:

Alexandra: I hope people don't go

well, this, this isn't working.

812

:

And so then they give up on therapy

entirely when it's really just the,

813

:

Christine: I,

814

:

Alexandra: therapist and you as the

patient, client, were, was not the right

815

:

fit because they really do think it

takes the right therapist at the Right.

816

:

time help.

817

:

Christine: yeah.

818

:

And I understand like also that's very

daunting for, for me to think about.

819

:

Like the thought that you go and

see someone, you inter, you meet

820

:

someone new, you open up wounds, to

become, to basically sort of give

821

:

context to the situation that you're

into this person and then you find

822

:

out like, wow, this isn't working.

823

:

And then to think I'm gonna have

to do this again with someone new.

824

:

That's so.

825

:

Ugh.

826

:

Alexandra: Yeah.

827

:

It's almost dating

828

:

Christine: But yeah, for sure in,

in, in some ways it's very similar,

829

:

opening yourself up being vulnerable.

830

:

Alexandra: And I will say

831

:

Christine: I,

832

:

Alexandra: as much as I decided to

come back to therapy and I'm like,

833

:

I'm here to do the work, and it

took me about six months to get to a

834

:

point where I'm like, all right, I've

been here, I've been coming up, I'm

835

:

showing the, doing the work, but I,

836

:

am not doing, I'm just saying I'm

doing the work and not doing the work.

837

:

So it took

838

:

Christine: hmm.

839

:

Alexandra: to open up.

840

:

So don't be surprised, like even

within the first session to, to

841

:

bear your soul is not, not easy.

842

:

And it may take a while to really,

even if you feel comfortable with your

843

:

therapist and you're like, this is a

good fit, it may take a while to really

844

:

get to a point where you're like, ready

to open up the things out of the vault.

845

:

You don't wanna, you have never said

or don't wanna say to anyone else.

846

:

So don't be surprised.

847

:

Like for anyone listening,

if you've not gone through

848

:

therapy, you're not doing that.

849

:

Don't be surprised.

850

:

If you choose to go and it

takes a while, that would be

851

:

the another thing I would say,

852

:

Christine: Yeah.

853

:

Alexandra: but yeah.

854

:

Yeah.

855

:

it is a lot like dating.

856

:

Christine: Hmm.

857

:

Okay.

858

:

So we've, we've talked about like when

we might be faced with a situation

859

:

when we realize it's not working.

860

:

So what do we do if it's not working?

861

:

Alexandra: I think that depends.

862

:

It depends on what's not working?

863

:

and I say that because we have a

note here saying that, like how

864

:

do you tell if it's a good fit?

865

:

That's a lot of using your own

experience and context clues.

866

:

But I, I've heard people talk about

having, having the, having two therapists

867

:

or multiple therapists, you know,

the one who tells you that you're

868

:

right and all the time and, and the

one who will call you on your shit.

869

:

Whether it's Like,

870

:

an internet therapist who doesn't know

you and you just listen to the advice

871

:

they give you, or it's people you see

two different people, which that's a lot.

872

:

Me, I'm thinking that's my own personal

thing of that's a lot of people.

873

:

That's a lot of times

to tell the same story.

874

:

But ideally I think a good fit in

terms of a therapist is somebody

875

:

that is a personality match.

876

:

Like you can't have somebody who's,

877

:

let's say you're really introverted and

they're really extroverted, and that's

878

:

a super boiled down example, but it's

like very like this or that may not

879

:

work to have a super introverted client

with a super extroverted therapist.

880

:

And again, everyone that's a

super boiled down, simple thing.

881

:

But for me, what I think ideally

is that you want, your therapist

882

:

should be a cheerleader for you.

883

:

Like right?

884

:

Like you're

885

:

Christine: Mm-hmm.

886

:

Alexandra: because you need

help and you're choosing and

887

:

somebody should be like, yes.

888

:

And when you have a win.

889

:

In whatever situation you're

working out, you want 'em to go,

890

:

oh my gosh, stop and look at that.

891

:

That's amazing.

892

:

You've done this.

893

:

And you also want them to say yeah,

actually, do you see where maybe you

894

:

could have done something different

895

:

Christine: Mm.

896

:

Alexandra: do like kind of call you on

your stuff saying saying this, but the

897

:

actions that you're showing don't put

you in the same light or something.

898

:

Christine: Yeah.

899

:

Alexandra: that really, I don't

wanna say balanced because ultimately

900

:

they are there for your betterment

and for you to, you know, succeed.

901

:

But sometimes that also means

looking at the stuff that you know.

902

:

So that was a very long answer

to ask if it's not working.

903

:

So what's not working?

904

:

Is it the relationship

with your therapist?

905

:

Because they're not giving

you both ends of that.

906

:

They're giving you just one.

907

:

Christine: Hmm.

908

:

Alexandra: don't wanna be a

therapist who's like yelling at

909

:

you all the time, or like telling

you you're not doing everything.

910

:

That's not helpful.

911

:

or is it?

912

:

As Christine has mentioned earlier, has I

have mentioned you are not the one putting

913

:

in the work when you leave the sessions.

914

:

Christine: Hmm.

915

:

Yeah.

916

:

Alexandra: Because

917

:

Christine: Well,

918

:

Alexandra: the part that's not working,

you can do something about that.

919

:

Christine: right.

920

:

Exactly.

921

:

I think also an idea that came to mind

as you were sort of laying out like the,

922

:

the roles of what a therapist can be.

923

:

You mentioned there that they

can be like a cheerleader.

924

:

I think another great analogy is

they're kind of like your coach.

925

:

Alexandra: Yes.

926

:

Christine: They can never,

they can, they can never play.

927

:

They can never go on the field and

play, but they're there to support you.

928

:

They're there to.

929

:

Offer advice help you look at a situation

differently, help you tackle something

930

:

like, and I think that's a very helpful

analogy to keep in mind, especially

931

:

in the situation of are you doing

the work when you leave the session?

932

:

If, if, if you feel like something's not

working, then and now, it very, very may

933

:

well be that personalities aren't jiving.

934

:

And it's okay to walk away and find

and try and find that person for you.

935

:

But I think it's also just as important

to do the self-reflection and, and ask

936

:

yourself, well, why isn't it working?

937

:

Is it really the therapist or am I

doing what I need to to see results?

938

:

Alexandra: Mm-hmm.

939

:

Christine: and I just really liked

that analogy of the thought of a coach.

940

:

Like they can't, they can't go out

there and play the game for you.

941

:

Like you gotta, you gotta do the work.

942

:

Alexandra: Yeah, only you can do that.

943

:

But they're there to support you.

944

:

They're

945

:

Christine: Mm-hmm.

946

:

Alexandra: help you strategize,

give you tools, different things of

947

:

even as a coach and sitting down and

watching the replay of something, you

948

:

know, like coming into the office and

saying, okay, so this happened this

949

:

week and this is how I handled it.

950

:

And I'm like, okay, let's, you know.

951

:

I was like, wow, you

brushed right past that.

952

:

Let's come back.

953

:

Okay, so

954

:

Christine: Hmm.

955

:

Alexandra: break that down.

956

:

Play by play.

957

:

Wow.

958

:

Look at what you did that's so different

from the past and okay, so we see

959

:

where we fell into the same pattern.

960

:

You know?

961

:

That's super helpful

962

:

Christine: Mm-hmm.

963

:

Alexandra: like you said, like a coach.

964

:

I like that analogy

better than the rah wow.

965

:

Cheerleader.

966

:

Mm-hmm.

967

:

Christine: Well, and, and I think that's

also an important aspect of a coach too,

968

:

is they're, they're, they're gonna be

the first there to celebrate the win

969

:

with you and or they're gonna be the

first one there to sort of help pick

970

:

you up when you've, you've stumbled or

971

:

Alexandra: Mm-hmm.

972

:

Christine: you, or you, you missed a play.

973

:

I'm really leaning into this analogy.

974

:

I'm realizing, but, but it just, it,

it, the similarities are just so.

975

:

So there, they're just there.

976

:

Alright.

977

:

So why don't we, why don't we dig

a little more into the situations

978

:

of okay, you've realized that it's

not you, it's them, and you've just,

979

:

you've come to the realization that you

need to break up with the therapist.

980

:

Okay.

981

:

How, how, how to end a

relationship with a therapist.

982

:

How to

983

:

Alexandra: so I think much like

we've talked about in dating

984

:

episodes last year the best thing to,

985

:

do is not ghost them.

986

:

You know, just, I, I think and back to

what we were talking about last week.

987

:

No.

988

:

Just know as simple as that and

say, Hey, this is not working.

989

:

I'm gonna be finding somebody new.

990

:

It can be as simple as that.

991

:

And then just moving on and, and not

feeling guilty for setting that boundary

992

:

Christine: sure.

993

:

Alexandra: and I think a good

therapist would be like, okay,

994

:

yeah, this isn't working.

995

:

know, here's some stuff.

996

:

Yeah.

997

:

So I'm just like, just like dating,

just don't go with somebody.

998

:

Now if you've had a single session

with them and it didn't work out,

999

:

that's a, that's a little different.

:

00:46:11,149 --> 00:46:13,409

I think you can go I don't

think I'm gonna be rescheduling

:

00:46:13,479 --> 00:46:14,529

scheduling another appointment.

:

00:46:14,589 --> 00:46:16,209

But if it's somebody you've been

seeing for a while, I think it's

:

00:46:16,209 --> 00:46:19,649

worth a conversation of don't think

this is working any, any more.

:

00:46:19,949 --> 00:46:22,559

I don't think that I'm

getting what I need out of it.

:

00:46:22,559 --> 00:46:25,619

And I've had people tell me that

they really do feel like they

:

00:46:25,619 --> 00:46:29,729

need to break up with a therapist

because fundamentally not working.

:

00:46:29,729 --> 00:46:33,419

Like they're not, they're not

seeing progress on their journey.

:

00:46:34,169 --> 00:46:37,949

They may be putting in the work and that

they may need somebody with a different,

:

00:46:38,819 --> 00:46:42,179

different personality where it's still

a match but a different perspective to

:

00:46:42,179 --> 00:46:44,819

kind of help re kickstart their journey

:

00:46:44,924 --> 00:46:45,144

Christine: Mm.

:

00:46:45,329 --> 00:46:47,009

Mm-hmm.

:

00:46:47,279 --> 00:46:49,019

Alexandra: so I think that's

a, that's a big thing.

:

00:46:49,019 --> 00:46:50,369

Just, just don't ghost them.

:

00:46:51,239 --> 00:46:51,679

Christine: Sure,

:

00:46:52,309 --> 00:46:56,559

Alexandra: and, and there are a few

signs to getting to that, that point.

:

00:46:57,039 --> 00:47:00,369

Christine, if you wanna share what

some of those signs could be or,

:

00:47:00,706 --> 00:47:01,276

Christine: sure.

:

00:47:01,606 --> 00:47:07,096

I think one big one is if you don't

feel heard or understood, I mean, the

:

00:47:07,096 --> 00:47:11,056

whole purpose of going to therapy is

that you feel heard and understood.

:

00:47:11,356 --> 00:47:16,601

So if you don't feel that, that's

red flag number one Another Yeah.

:

00:47:16,721 --> 00:47:17,111

Yeah, go.

:

00:47:17,756 --> 00:47:21,266

Alexandra: I think another sign is if

the therapist is talking more about them

:

00:47:21,551 --> 00:47:22,241

Christine: Mm,

:

00:47:22,436 --> 00:47:25,526

Alexandra: and it's not focused

on you, where you, again,

:

00:47:25,571 --> 00:47:26,261

Christine: that's a good one.

:

00:47:26,486 --> 00:47:30,506

Alexandra: into not being heard and

understood if they're, this is gonna

:

00:47:30,506 --> 00:47:33,896

sound so strange, particularly if

people have not gone through therapy.

:

00:47:34,006 --> 00:47:37,816

I feel like good therapist ask questions

to help you get to the answer, like

:

00:47:37,816 --> 00:47:39,796

where you're putting in the work,

that you're coming to the thing.

:

00:47:40,106 --> 00:47:44,126

But if they're constantly telling

you how to do things and things

:

00:47:44,126 --> 00:47:45,836

aren't working, that's may also

:

00:47:46,541 --> 00:47:47,741

Christine: That's another indication.

:

00:47:47,876 --> 00:47:49,046

Alexandra: being heard and understood.

:

00:47:49,781 --> 00:47:50,231

Christine: Yeah.

:

00:47:50,651 --> 00:47:51,071

Yeah.

:

00:47:51,341 --> 00:47:51,851

Definitely.

:

00:47:51,851 --> 00:47:55,171

I think another thing is there might

be a situation where a therapist has

:

00:47:55,171 --> 00:47:56,641

given you all the tools they can,

:

00:47:57,106 --> 00:47:57,526

Alexandra: Mm-hmm.

:

00:47:57,661 --> 00:47:57,881

Yep.

:

00:47:58,111 --> 00:48:01,201

Christine: you don't, they can't

provide you any further guidance.

:

00:48:01,231 --> 00:48:06,301

And that can mean okay, let's throw you

out of the nest and sort of see how you

:

00:48:06,301 --> 00:48:08,461

function without seeing a therapist.

:

00:48:08,461 --> 00:48:12,771

Or it could be like, okay

it's time to find someone new,

:

00:48:13,016 --> 00:48:13,436

Alexandra: Mm-hmm.

:

00:48:14,121 --> 00:48:15,981

Christine: and, and sort of

see what they could offer you.

:

00:48:17,151 --> 00:48:17,451

Yeah.

:

00:48:17,781 --> 00:48:20,721

And then, and then I think

ultimately, like if it just doesn't

:

00:48:20,721 --> 00:48:22,891

feel like a match, don't force it.

:

00:48:23,446 --> 00:48:23,736

Alexandra: Yeah,

:

00:48:25,831 --> 00:48:28,291

because it's almost like you're

delaying your journey with taking

:

00:48:28,291 --> 00:48:29,641

care of your mental wellbeing

:

00:48:30,811 --> 00:48:31,471

Christine: Definitely.

:

00:48:31,891 --> 00:48:34,351

Alexandra: like staying in a

romantic relationship that's

:

00:48:34,351 --> 00:48:35,851

not good for either party.

:

00:48:36,031 --> 00:48:37,411

Like it's a very

:

00:48:37,681 --> 00:48:38,251

Christine: Right?

:

00:48:38,551 --> 00:48:39,421

For sure.

:

00:48:39,832 --> 00:48:40,462

Definitely.

:

00:48:40,560 --> 00:48:45,150

I think the last sort of topic

or point underneath this umbrella

:

00:48:45,470 --> 00:48:47,490

is first session awkwardness

:

00:48:47,920 --> 00:48:54,040

So I feel like I can talk a lot about

this because I've really only had one or

:

00:48:54,040 --> 00:48:56,050

two sessions with a therapist at a time.

:

00:48:56,380 --> 00:48:58,150

So first session awkwardness.

:

00:48:58,285 --> 00:48:58,525

Alexandra: Mm-hmm.

:

00:48:58,720 --> 00:48:59,500

Christine: all I really know.

:

00:49:01,660 --> 00:49:03,070

Alexandra: That has been

my whole experience.

:

00:49:03,170 --> 00:49:06,950

Christine: So let's, let's talk a little

bit about, okay, what, what, what is

:

00:49:06,950 --> 00:49:08,570

there to expect in a first session?

:

00:49:08,957 --> 00:49:10,667

Alexandra: Well, I think you've

said it, it's, it's gonna be

:

00:49:10,667 --> 00:49:14,117

awkward in the sense of it is, it's

a, it's a lot like a first date.

:

00:49:14,117 --> 00:49:16,487

It is the whole, hey,

getting to know you thing.

:

00:49:17,327 --> 00:49:19,667

mm-hmm.

:

00:49:19,907 --> 00:49:20,117

Yeah.

:

00:49:20,117 --> 00:49:22,697

'cause it, it's I think we talked about

it, the tap dance around a little bit

:

00:49:22,697 --> 00:49:28,337

earlier of like, how much do I reveal

in this first, this first session if,

:

00:49:28,337 --> 00:49:29,777

I don't know, it's gonna go somewhere.

:

00:49:30,897 --> 00:49:31,187

Christine: Yeah.

:

00:49:31,287 --> 00:49:33,567

Alexandra: So yeah, I think

there is a little bit of that.

:

00:49:33,602 --> 00:49:37,347

You, you definitely are

holding some stuff in.

:

00:49:37,717 --> 00:49:41,047

You're like, you're dipping your toes

in the water And you're destined.

:

00:49:41,047 --> 00:49:41,737

Is it tepid?

:

00:49:41,737 --> 00:49:42,397

Is it warm?

:

00:49:42,397 --> 00:49:43,537

Is it ice cold?

:

00:49:43,930 --> 00:49:47,470

and oh man, it's been a while since I had

a first session, but I think sometimes

:

00:49:47,470 --> 00:49:50,260

the therapist will tell them a little

bit about you, kind of how they help.

:

00:49:50,260 --> 00:49:52,510

They'll ask questions about,

Hey, what's bringing you in?

:

00:49:52,990 --> 00:49:53,410

But Yeah.

:

00:49:53,410 --> 00:49:53,500

I.

:

00:49:53,500 --> 00:49:56,170

think it's just, it is

just an awkward time.

:

00:49:56,500 --> 00:49:59,200

And to be fair, there are

sometimes where it's not awkward.

:

00:49:59,200 --> 00:50:03,070

Like you do find a therapist that is a,

just a great match, and you just feel

:

00:50:03,070 --> 00:50:04,210

like you can hit the ground running,

:

00:50:04,420 --> 00:50:04,780

Christine: Yeah.

:

00:50:05,110 --> 00:50:06,340

Alexandra: that is also a possibility.

:

00:50:06,730 --> 00:50:07,540

Christine: Yeah, absolutely.

:

00:50:07,540 --> 00:50:11,200

I think it also, it speaks to

the therapist if they're able to

:

00:50:11,230 --> 00:50:13,390

dispel any awkwardness, right?

:

00:50:13,390 --> 00:50:13,930

If they

:

00:50:14,110 --> 00:50:14,170

Alexandra: Oh,

:

00:50:14,470 --> 00:50:18,100

Christine: just sort of welcome you in

and put you at ease and, and I think

:

00:50:18,100 --> 00:50:24,250

like offering up for them to offer

up some information about themselves.

:

00:50:24,250 --> 00:50:27,820

So it's like you're not just telling

a complete stranger like some of the

:

00:50:27,935 --> 00:50:28,155

Alexandra: hey.

:

00:50:28,270 --> 00:50:30,640

Christine: deepest, darkest

stuff you've been going through.

:

00:50:31,070 --> 00:50:33,140

And that, and that's not

to say you should head.

:

00:50:33,650 --> 00:50:36,350

Dive into the deep end

on your first meeting.

:

00:50:36,760 --> 00:50:39,520

I mean, if, if they have a general

idea of okay, this is what we're

:

00:50:39,520 --> 00:50:46,210

gonna work towards, then it could

honestly maybe help the anxiety and

:

00:50:46,210 --> 00:50:50,020

stress you might be feeling and maybe

even alleviate some awkwardness when

:

00:50:50,020 --> 00:50:54,790

walking in the room or logging into

the zoom call or picking up the phone,

:

00:50:55,170 --> 00:50:55,590

Alexandra: Mm-hmm.

:

00:50:55,720 --> 00:50:58,360

Christine: you may be

speaking with your therapist.

:

00:50:58,360 --> 00:51:00,520

So, yeah.

:

00:51:00,620 --> 00:51:04,970

This is a very interesting one that I

haven't really thought about, but like,

:

00:51:05,420 --> 00:51:08,330

how to prepare for your first session.

:

00:51:09,200 --> 00:51:12,320

I never thought that I could bring notes.

:

00:51:13,625 --> 00:51:14,165

Alexandra: What

:

00:51:14,270 --> 00:51:15,275

Christine: I never, no.

:

00:51:15,730 --> 00:51:20,800

That was never something that was like

even broached when I was, when I thought.

:

00:51:21,745 --> 00:51:24,490

Alexandra: Do you think this was

like an SAT test where it's I can't

:

00:51:24,490 --> 00:51:26,410

have any open boat announcers?

:

00:51:26,410 --> 00:51:29,380

Christine: little bit

like, no, I kid you not.

:

00:51:30,010 --> 00:51:32,380

No, this is new level unlocked.

:

00:51:32,410 --> 00:51:34,690

I don't know what to do

with this information.

:

00:51:35,020 --> 00:51:37,120

I could have been bringing

notes this whole time.

:

00:51:37,475 --> 00:51:37,765

Alexandra: Yeah.

:

00:51:39,187 --> 00:51:40,327

Christine: Anyway, that

:

00:51:40,337 --> 00:51:41,032

Alexandra: I love that

:

00:51:41,047 --> 00:51:42,577

Christine: mind blown a little bit.

:

00:51:42,647 --> 00:51:47,837

So yeah, how to prepare, write some,

jot some things down, bring some notes.

:

00:51:48,147 --> 00:51:49,167

It honestly,

:

00:51:49,692 --> 00:51:51,612

Alexandra: you will forget

what you wanted to bring

:

00:51:51,807 --> 00:51:52,272

Christine: there you go.

:

00:51:52,737 --> 00:51:54,927

Because in the moment you

will, you could forget.

:

00:51:54,927 --> 00:51:56,757

I well said.

:

00:51:57,117 --> 00:52:00,717

Because that's what happens when

you walk into a space that's new and

:

00:52:00,717 --> 00:52:02,907

you don't know what's happening and

you're anxious and you're like, ah.

:

00:52:03,937 --> 00:52:05,107

So yeah.

:

00:52:05,137 --> 00:52:05,527

Okay.

:

00:52:05,527 --> 00:52:05,797

Yeah.

:

00:52:05,797 --> 00:52:06,877

Write, write some notes.

:

00:52:06,877 --> 00:52:08,077

I've never done that before.

:

00:52:08,137 --> 00:52:09,727

But you best bet I will be now.

:

00:52:09,847 --> 00:52:10,867

Yes, indeed.

:

00:52:11,272 --> 00:52:13,202

Alexandra: let let me unlock

something else for you.

:

00:52:13,337 --> 00:52:13,907

Christine: Okay.

:

00:52:13,922 --> 00:52:17,372

Alexandra: could even bring a notepad

to your session with a pencil or a

:

00:52:17,387 --> 00:52:18,197

Christine: I'm sorry.

:

00:52:18,197 --> 00:52:19,097

What?

:

00:52:20,312 --> 00:52:22,682

Alexandra: write down some

notes that the therapists say

:

00:52:23,040 --> 00:52:24,270

Christine: No, that's just crazy.

:

00:52:24,300 --> 00:52:24,810

No, I'm kidding.

:

00:52:27,165 --> 00:52:27,675

Alexandra: you're like, that.

:

00:52:28,710 --> 00:52:29,550

Christine: Oh my gosh.

:

00:52:30,060 --> 00:52:35,130

I mean, and I, I don't know could you

ask your therapist if you could record

:

00:52:35,130 --> 00:52:39,230

stuff like, so that you could, can

lean because I'm, so, I'm someone who

:

00:52:39,230 --> 00:52:44,240

like, writing notes kind of makes me

anxious because I'm focused on writing

:

00:52:44,240 --> 00:52:48,170

what you said a minute ago and you're

talking at me still and I'm like, I'm

:

00:52:48,170 --> 00:52:49,640

not getting what you're talking, Abby.

:

00:52:50,120 --> 00:52:54,470

So maybe recording your

recession could be helpful.

:

00:52:54,830 --> 00:52:55,100

Alexandra: Yeah.

:

00:52:56,180 --> 00:52:57,500

Advanced level unlocked.

:

00:52:57,530 --> 00:53:00,230

Christine: my pearls of

wisdom just keep coming.

:

00:53:00,230 --> 00:53:01,760

What can I say, Alex?

:

00:53:01,760 --> 00:53:02,720

What can I say?

:

00:53:02,810 --> 00:53:04,040

Alexandra: gonna have a whole set.

:

00:53:04,040 --> 00:53:06,710

You're gonna have a necklace,

the earrings, the, the bracelet.

:

00:53:06,860 --> 00:53:08,060

Christine: Everything, everything.

:

00:53:08,060 --> 00:53:09,260

You're welcome everyone.

:

00:53:09,590 --> 00:53:10,580

Anyway, okay.

:

00:53:10,940 --> 00:53:14,266

Take notes, record,

prepare for your meeting.

:

00:53:14,266 --> 00:53:16,606

That's what a novel it's concept.

:

00:53:16,816 --> 00:53:17,236

Okay.

:

00:53:17,526 --> 00:53:18,246

Other things

:

00:53:18,426 --> 00:53:18,876

Alexandra: I'm sorry.

:

00:53:18,876 --> 00:53:19,836

I'm just dying over here.

:

00:53:19,836 --> 00:53:21,126

This is, this is hilarious.

:

00:53:21,666 --> 00:53:22,236

Christine: you're welcome.

:

00:53:24,086 --> 00:53:26,456

Other things to help you prepare.

:

00:53:27,296 --> 00:53:29,666

Be o be as open as you can be.

:

00:53:29,846 --> 00:53:34,496

And I think it's, it's understandable

to like maybe under accept

:

00:53:34,496 --> 00:53:35,696

what your limitation will be.

:

00:53:35,696 --> 00:53:36,026

Like

:

00:53:36,071 --> 00:53:36,491

Alexandra: Mm-hmm.

:

00:53:36,596 --> 00:53:40,736

Christine: just open and upfront about

it could be very beneficial to not

:

00:53:40,736 --> 00:53:45,836

only you and your experience, but also

the therapist, you know, helping set

:

00:53:45,836 --> 00:53:48,956

an expectation of what you're gonna be

able to achieve in this first session.

:

00:53:49,526 --> 00:53:49,706

Alexandra: Yeah.

:

00:53:49,826 --> 00:53:52,286

Christine: and then finally they're

gonna be asking you questions, but.

:

00:53:52,916 --> 00:53:55,316

You, you could also ask questions.

:

00:53:55,316 --> 00:53:57,956

I think remembering that

could be very helpful.

:

00:53:57,956 --> 00:53:59,801

It's not a one-sided situation.

:

00:54:00,341 --> 00:54:00,761

Alexandra: Mm-hmm.

:

00:54:01,136 --> 00:54:03,746

Yeah, I mean, I've, I've done

that with my therapist not

:

00:54:03,746 --> 00:54:05,696

even in, in the first meeting.

:

00:54:06,036 --> 00:54:09,666

And I think that's something I've talked

about with her a lot is like being curious

:

00:54:09,891 --> 00:54:10,011

Christine: Hmm.

:

00:54:10,086 --> 00:54:13,986

Alexandra: and coming from a place of

curiosity on top of being open about

:

00:54:13,986 --> 00:54:16,596

what you find is a really wonderful.

:

00:54:17,391 --> 00:54:18,711

Way to approach therapy.

:

00:54:19,971 --> 00:54:20,331

Just

:

00:54:20,451 --> 00:54:20,771

Christine: Absolutely.

:

00:54:22,371 --> 00:54:24,411

Alexandra: and it's something she

still says, okay, let's get curious

:

00:54:24,411 --> 00:54:25,701

about why you responded that way.

:

00:54:25,761 --> 00:54:28,791

I'm like, I don't want to, can

you just tell me the answer?

:

00:54:29,751 --> 00:54:29,991

No.

:

00:54:30,011 --> 00:54:30,231

Christine: No

:

00:54:30,591 --> 00:54:31,131

Alexandra: And I'm like,

:

00:54:32,131 --> 00:54:32,421

Christine: wamp.

:

00:54:33,201 --> 00:54:33,651

Alexandra: won Bump.

:

00:54:35,991 --> 00:54:36,261

I,

:

00:54:36,421 --> 00:54:36,501

Christine: right.

:

00:54:37,011 --> 00:54:38,091

Alexandra: made me think about something.

:

00:54:38,091 --> 00:54:42,201

You said you've gone through an experience

where you had a session with your SI

:

00:54:42,261 --> 00:54:46,611

siblings which I'd like to come back to

in a second, but you were talking about

:

00:54:46,651 --> 00:54:50,821

the therapist has seen members in your

family, but it was not necessarily about

:

00:54:50,821 --> 00:54:51,991

the thing that you were talking about.

:

00:54:52,741 --> 00:54:57,391

My mom and I both see a therapist in the

same practice, but not the same therapist.

:

00:54:58,861 --> 00:55:02,251

So I've never had an experience where

I've seen a therapist that, like a

:

00:55:02,251 --> 00:55:04,891

close friend family has also seen.

:

00:55:05,791 --> 00:55:08,701

So I can only say from one side of it,

but I do think there might be a benefit

:

00:55:08,701 --> 00:55:10,891

of seeing different therapists because.

:

00:55:11,356 --> 00:55:11,676

Christine: Absolutely.

:

00:55:12,651 --> 00:55:13,221

Alexandra: Your therapist.

:

00:55:13,481 --> 00:55:13,601

Christine: I,

:

00:55:13,641 --> 00:55:15,381

Alexandra: know that they'll try

to bring that opinion, and I,

:

00:55:15,381 --> 00:55:21,111

think they've trained and work to not

do that, but they may know aspects of a

:

00:55:21,111 --> 00:55:22,851

situation from a different perspective,

:

00:55:23,091 --> 00:55:23,311

Christine: mm

:

00:55:23,571 --> 00:55:24,591

Alexandra: sometimes helpful.

:

00:55:24,981 --> 00:55:25,271

Christine: sure.

:

00:55:26,811 --> 00:55:29,301

Alexandra: for you, it may

be really helpful that they

:

00:55:29,331 --> 00:55:30,351

don't know anything else.

:

00:55:31,531 --> 00:55:31,951

Christine: Mm-hmm.

:

00:55:32,151 --> 00:55:34,581

Alexandra: And I think that works

only if you're honest with with your

:

00:55:34,581 --> 00:55:36,801

therapist about yourself in the situation.

:

00:55:36,831 --> 00:55:37,911

Even if it's unflattering.

:

00:55:38,496 --> 00:55:39,486

Christine: Right, right.

:

00:55:40,296 --> 00:55:41,916

Yeah, it's, it's interesting.

:

00:55:41,916 --> 00:55:47,266

I don't know if I necessarily would

continuously see someone that is also

:

00:55:47,266 --> 00:55:51,766

actively seeing another family member or

friend or, or whatever the case may be.

:

00:55:52,216 --> 00:55:54,556

Just because I think that might

present a little bit of a conflict

:

00:55:54,556 --> 00:55:55,936

of interest for the therapist.

:

00:55:56,046 --> 00:56:03,366

Because if the, if they're seeing if

their patient is like someone that's

:

00:56:03,366 --> 00:56:05,016

very close in your life, I don't know.

:

00:56:05,016 --> 00:56:08,976

I just feel like in the long

run that could get complicated.

:

00:56:09,456 --> 00:56:13,566

And I think it's totally valid to

want to see, to see someone else

:

00:56:13,676 --> 00:56:18,416

because this is something that's

very uniquely personal to you.

:

00:56:18,851 --> 00:56:19,091

Alexandra: Yep.

:

00:56:19,946 --> 00:56:23,276

Christine: and so you want that

experience to be focused on you.

:

00:56:23,696 --> 00:56:26,006

Not necessarily Right, right.

:

00:56:26,006 --> 00:56:27,686

And not necessarily clouded by

:

00:56:27,686 --> 00:56:28,106

Alexandra: Mm-hmm.

:

00:56:29,306 --> 00:56:29,996

Christine: something else.

:

00:56:30,646 --> 00:56:35,986

So while that has been my experience,

I don't, I, that's not something

:

00:56:35,986 --> 00:56:40,006

like I think is sustainable and

I would want to be sustainable.

:

00:56:40,936 --> 00:56:44,146

And not to say that those,

those people were lovely.

:

00:56:44,206 --> 00:56:46,546

They were very helpful in the moment.

:

00:56:47,026 --> 00:56:48,496

But yeah, I, I agree with you.

:

00:56:48,496 --> 00:56:53,776

I think finding someone

independent from that situation

:

00:56:53,836 --> 00:56:55,456

and focused on you is important.

:

00:56:55,633 --> 00:56:58,783

Alexandra: So I feel like that

covers first session awkwardness.

:

00:56:58,993 --> 00:56:59,413

Christine: yeah,

:

00:57:00,043 --> 00:57:05,143

Alexandra: So I you getting ready to,

to wind down and move into takeaways

:

00:57:05,173 --> 00:57:05,983

Christine: I think so.

:

00:57:05,983 --> 00:57:09,918

You've heard us skit really

personal for an hour now let's,

:

00:57:12,048 --> 00:57:12,398

let's.

:

00:57:12,428 --> 00:57:12,643

Alexandra: I like.

:

00:57:12,738 --> 00:57:13,028

Okay.

:

00:57:13,228 --> 00:57:14,188

Christine: Let's get back a little.

:

00:57:15,073 --> 00:57:15,703

Alexandra: Alrighty.

:

00:57:15,703 --> 00:57:17,683

So we talked already a little.

:

00:57:17,683 --> 00:57:17,953

bit.

:

00:57:18,013 --> 00:57:19,873

Some takeaways of finding a therapist.

:

00:57:19,933 --> 00:57:22,813

Definitely if you have

insurance, checking out who's in

:

00:57:22,813 --> 00:57:24,523

network, who's out of network.

:

00:57:24,823 --> 00:57:28,273

If you don't have thera, like in, if

you don't have insurance this is really

:

00:57:28,273 --> 00:57:31,943

in the states call an office, ask if

they have a cash price, what that is.

:

00:57:31,943 --> 00:57:34,283

And it is that something you

can swing in your budget.

:

00:57:34,618 --> 00:57:34,838

Christine: Hmm.

:

00:57:35,513 --> 00:57:37,813

Alexandra: And Christine did write

down a really good note here that

:

00:57:37,813 --> 00:57:40,603

I know that I've talked about with

my therapist is a sliding scare.

:

00:57:40,603 --> 00:57:42,703

Ther sliding scale therapy.

:

00:57:42,703 --> 00:57:48,223

Often if you don't have insurance

therapists will, have an, a

:

00:57:48,223 --> 00:57:51,733

sliding scale based on your

income or what you can afford.

:

00:57:51,733 --> 00:57:52,393

And it, it's

:

00:57:52,738 --> 00:57:53,158

Christine: Mm-hmm.

:

00:57:53,413 --> 00:57:55,693

Alexandra: open with a therapist

when you're having your first

:

00:57:55,693 --> 00:57:58,123

session on top of the awkwardness.

:

00:57:58,348 --> 00:57:58,638

Christine: Yeah.

:

00:57:58,843 --> 00:58:01,753

Alexandra: Let's add in the awkwardness

of having a conversation about money.

:

00:58:02,018 --> 00:58:02,238

Christine: Mm.

:

00:58:02,833 --> 00:58:03,033

Absolutely.

:

00:58:03,597 --> 00:58:06,867

Alexandra: so I strongly encourage

people if you're, if you're hovering

:

00:58:06,867 --> 00:58:09,957

on, I want to pursue therapy, I

don't know that I can afford it,

:

00:58:10,107 --> 00:58:12,177

have a conversation, call a practice.

:

00:58:12,597 --> 00:58:16,107

If you find somebody you're interested,

ask a question, can I do this?

:

00:58:16,197 --> 00:58:16,707

Christine: Mm-hmm.

:

00:58:16,767 --> 00:58:19,707

Alexandra: your mental

health is so important.

:

00:58:19,972 --> 00:58:20,392

Christine: Mm-hmm.

:

00:58:21,537 --> 00:58:24,237

Alexandra: To find a way for it to

work into your life and in your budget.

:

00:58:24,957 --> 00:58:25,947

That's, that's all I'm gonna say.

:

00:58:26,157 --> 00:58:26,547

Christine: Yeah.

:

00:58:27,237 --> 00:58:33,507

Right, because I think like there's,

there's so many frustrating things

:

00:58:33,507 --> 00:58:40,437

about healthcare in the States, but

I just think it's, it's sad that

:

00:58:41,157 --> 00:58:47,007

something can be denied, denied from

you because of something like money.

:

00:58:47,007 --> 00:58:50,847

Like if, if it's something that you

need and, and it's going to help

:

00:58:51,027 --> 00:58:55,977

you, there are, there are options

out there and figuring out and,

:

00:58:55,977 --> 00:58:57,207

and just being open and honest with

:

00:58:57,962 --> 00:58:58,252

Alexandra: Yeah.

:

00:58:58,697 --> 00:59:00,257

Christine: Confronting

what your situation is.

:

00:59:00,367 --> 00:59:04,387

Alexandra: And I've had friends, people

I know joke about, like their online

:

00:59:04,387 --> 00:59:10,237

therapists that, that somebody on social

media, YouTube, talking about therapy,

:

00:59:10,432 --> 00:59:10,852

Christine: Mm-hmm.

:

00:59:11,437 --> 00:59:13,837

Alexandra: but it's not somebody

that they, you know, personally know,

:

00:59:13,837 --> 00:59:16,627

have a client relationship with.

:

00:59:17,027 --> 00:59:18,227

And that's a great place to start.

:

00:59:19,547 --> 00:59:22,967

That may not solve all of

you need to talk about.

:

00:59:22,967 --> 00:59:25,637

So there's a point where

you have to be self-aware.

:

00:59:25,667 --> 00:59:29,447

You or listeners, whoever when

is that no longer working and

:

00:59:29,447 --> 00:59:30,407

you need to pursue something,

:

00:59:31,282 --> 00:59:31,632

Christine: Right.

:

00:59:32,302 --> 00:59:32,592

Yeah.

:

00:59:33,692 --> 00:59:38,867

And there, in addition to what we

just shared, there's a, a slew of

:

00:59:38,867 --> 00:59:40,997

online therapy platforms as well.

:

00:59:41,327 --> 00:59:46,307

I don't have a lot of experience

with these yet, but I know that

:

00:59:46,307 --> 00:59:47,897

there's a lot of resources out there.

:

00:59:48,317 --> 00:59:52,097

To name a few better help

Talkspace and Brightside.

:

00:59:52,487 --> 00:59:55,817

We'll in our show notes,

leave information for you all.

:

00:59:55,817 --> 00:59:59,787

If you are so inclined to

explore these options further.

:

01:00:00,177 --> 01:00:03,777

Just know that there are resources

available to you if you need help,

:

01:00:04,047 --> 01:00:06,687

we support and urge you to do so.

:

01:00:06,747 --> 01:00:10,017

We want you to take care

of you, so reach out.

:

01:00:10,707 --> 01:00:11,247

Alright.

:

01:00:11,277 --> 01:00:13,197

Alexandra: stories

overshare with us as we have

:

01:00:13,287 --> 01:00:13,647

Christine: Yeah,

:

01:00:13,797 --> 01:00:13,947

Alexandra: you.

:

01:00:14,127 --> 01:00:14,727

Christine: absolutely.

:

01:00:14,757 --> 01:00:15,777

We love it.

:

01:00:16,407 --> 01:00:18,687

We are here to, to support each other.

:

01:00:18,717 --> 01:00:19,587

100%.

:

01:00:20,357 --> 01:00:26,087

Okay, so in addition to that, why don't

we talk a little bit about some resources

:

01:00:26,087 --> 01:00:28,717

that can help support mindfulness.

:

01:00:28,827 --> 01:00:33,297

I know that there are many, many options

out there, but Alexandra, why don't

:

01:00:33,297 --> 01:00:35,637

you maybe offer up some ideas here.

:

01:00:36,087 --> 01:00:36,777

Alexandra: Sure.

:

01:00:36,887 --> 01:00:43,787

So I feel like two of the most, maybe

three of the most common like meditation,

:

01:00:43,817 --> 01:00:50,107

mindfulness apps that come to mind

are headspace, calm and insight timer.

:

01:00:51,027 --> 01:00:51,147

Christine: Hmm.

:

01:00:51,397 --> 01:00:52,927

Alexandra: depend on the ones and I.

:

01:00:53,602 --> 01:00:54,532

Mood fit.

:

01:00:54,952 --> 01:00:57,052

So they all kind of do

slightly different things.

:

01:00:57,052 --> 01:01:01,402

And I first heard about Headspace

for a few years ago, and I think

:

01:01:01,402 --> 01:01:02,602

I used it for a little while.

:

01:01:02,882 --> 01:01:04,412

I think they've got a free option.

:

01:01:04,617 --> 01:01:05,037

Christine: Mm-hmm.

:

01:01:05,342 --> 01:01:06,422

Alexandra: obviously subscribe.

:

01:01:06,422 --> 01:01:07,352

Same with calm.

:

01:01:07,352 --> 01:01:09,692

You just get larger

access to their content

:

01:01:09,807 --> 01:01:10,227

Christine: Mm-hmm.

:

01:01:10,602 --> 01:01:12,252

Alexandra: When you,

you pay and subscribe.

:

01:01:15,252 --> 01:01:18,852

and interestingly enough, I did

not realize this, but the, the

:

01:01:18,912 --> 01:01:22,592

place where I work was offering

a service called Ginger as an

:

01:01:22,647 --> 01:01:22,727

Christine: Hmm.

:

01:01:22,952 --> 01:01:26,082

Alexandra: talk therapy thing that

recently have found out when we

:

01:01:26,082 --> 01:01:29,922

were researching for this episode

that has merged with Headspace.

:

01:01:30,012 --> 01:01:30,372

So it's

:

01:01:30,397 --> 01:01:30,517

Christine: Hmm.

:

01:01:31,042 --> 01:01:33,302

Alexandra: Mental health

coaching which may be a little

:

01:01:33,302 --> 01:01:34,382

bit different from therapy.

:

01:01:34,387 --> 01:01:37,502

I, I don't know, I haven't used

it, but that's an also an option.

:

01:01:38,192 --> 01:01:40,892

Calm, definitely guided

meditations and relaxation.

:

01:01:41,282 --> 01:01:45,662

And I think Christine found this one

mood fit is mental health tracking.

:

01:01:45,662 --> 01:01:45,962

So

:

01:01:45,962 --> 01:01:46,232

Christine: Hmm.

:

01:01:46,802 --> 01:01:50,222

Alexandra: I'm gonna assume

by that note that you can make

:

01:01:50,222 --> 01:01:52,112

notes on how you felt in the day

:

01:01:52,287 --> 01:01:52,577

Christine: Yeah.

:

01:01:52,982 --> 01:01:57,032

Alexandra: over like a period of a week,

a month, like what was predominant,

:

01:01:57,032 --> 01:02:00,392

you know, and, and maybe make notes

about what prompted an emotion or

:

01:02:00,557 --> 01:02:00,637

Christine: Hmm.

:

01:02:01,722 --> 01:02:03,222

Alexandra: Again, I not

:

01:02:03,367 --> 01:02:03,657

Christine: Yeah.

:

01:02:03,762 --> 01:02:05,352

Alexandra: so it, but you can

:

01:02:05,457 --> 01:02:05,577

Christine: I.

:

01:02:05,592 --> 01:02:07,332

Alexandra: do people really

love the dot journals.

:

01:02:07,602 --> 01:02:10,062

If, if you are somebody who likes

journaling, you could make up a whole

:

01:02:10,062 --> 01:02:14,182

dot journal of, of okay, I'm gonna

track my mood and each day, and kind of

:

01:02:14,182 --> 01:02:15,982

give yourself a visual representation.

:

01:02:17,632 --> 01:02:18,922

I really like Peloton.

:

01:02:20,332 --> 01:02:21,352

we've talked about it before.

:

01:02:21,622 --> 01:02:25,942

They have a wonderful con

library of content for meditation

:

01:02:26,962 --> 01:02:28,472

and that's, it's wonderful.

:

01:02:28,472 --> 01:02:32,372

They talk like different styles of

meditation, so like witness meditation,

:

01:02:32,432 --> 01:02:34,952

meditation for certain goals.

:

01:02:35,282 --> 01:02:41,792

So that's always super helpful as

a, is a wonderful addendum to two.

:

01:02:42,572 --> 01:02:42,997

Talk therapy.

:

01:02:43,697 --> 01:02:44,447

Christine: Absolutely.

:

01:02:44,807 --> 01:02:47,627

I, yeah, when I came across mood

Fit, I was like, oh, that's,

:

01:02:47,627 --> 01:02:49,577

so, that makes so much sense.

:

01:02:49,577 --> 01:02:54,707

Like why wouldn't you take note

of where your head space is at?

:

01:02:54,707 --> 01:03:00,887

And, and like for us girls tracking

like it, we track our period, right?

:

01:03:00,887 --> 01:03:02,507

Like I love Clue.

:

01:03:02,537 --> 01:03:04,757

That's an app I use within Clue.

:

01:03:04,757 --> 01:03:09,557

It asks a myriad of questions, including

like what your mental state is at.

:

01:03:09,557 --> 01:03:10,007

So it,

:

01:03:12,017 --> 01:03:17,337

it certainly will help give data

that you can help better understand.

:

01:03:17,682 --> 01:03:23,472

Where you're at mentally and how

that can influence your decision

:

01:03:23,472 --> 01:03:26,802

making or how you react to a

situation and and, and so forth.

:

01:03:26,802 --> 01:03:28,452

So yeah.

:

01:03:28,542 --> 01:03:31,132

All, all good, all good resources there.

:

01:03:32,497 --> 01:03:34,477

Alexandra: And there are

a few therapy directories.

:

01:03:34,477 --> 01:03:36,967

If you don't wanna start

looking at in-network or out

:

01:03:37,027 --> 01:03:38,647

network or just local to you.

:

01:03:38,987 --> 01:03:41,447

Psychology Today is a, it's a big one.

:

01:03:41,447 --> 01:03:44,447

I think they do have a function on

their website where you can find a

:

01:03:44,447 --> 01:03:46,487

therapist in search by city or zip.

:

01:03:46,907 --> 01:03:48,077

So that's a wonderful tool.

:

01:03:48,077 --> 01:03:52,607

Again, more for in the states, I

don't know, outside of the states

:

01:03:52,607 --> 01:03:53,567

haven't really explored that.

:

01:03:55,487 --> 01:03:59,957

there's a therapy den, an open

path collective, and open Path

:

01:03:59,957 --> 01:04:03,287

collective kind of builds itself

as the affordable therapy option.

:

01:04:03,287 --> 01:04:06,637

So those are some things that

we'll also link for listeners

:

01:04:06,637 --> 01:04:08,107

who are interested to explore.

:

01:04:08,557 --> 01:04:12,157

Know that I, I have not personally used

any of this, so I can't really talk to

:

01:04:12,157 --> 01:04:13,747

that, but they, these are tools out there.

:

01:04:13,747 --> 01:04:19,177

to help people find And as we've

talked this whole episode, using your.

:

01:04:19,462 --> 01:04:22,402

Intuition, your, your understanding

of situations to, to guide

:

01:04:22,402 --> 01:04:23,542

you to the right therapist.

:

01:04:23,602 --> 01:04:23,932

Super

:

01:04:23,982 --> 01:04:24,842

Christine: Hmm mm-hmm.

:

01:04:25,837 --> 01:04:26,107

Yeah.

:

01:04:26,917 --> 01:04:29,317

And we would be remiss to not include.

:

01:04:29,317 --> 01:04:31,867

We'll make sure we include

it in our show notes.

:

01:04:32,227 --> 01:04:36,577

The numbers for crisis resources,

so we'll include the National

:

01:04:36,577 --> 01:04:38,197

Suicide Prevention Lifeline.

:

01:04:38,507 --> 01:04:44,777

You can there is a crisis text line,

so if you text home to 7 4 1 7 4 1,

:

01:04:45,077 --> 01:04:47,267

you'll have access to 24 7 support.

:

01:04:47,267 --> 01:04:49,487

We'll make sure we include that

for you all in the show notes.

:

01:04:49,517 --> 01:04:54,297

And lastly the National Alliance

on Mental Illness Helpline, we will

:

01:04:54,297 --> 01:04:55,947

include that number for you as well.

:

01:04:56,037 --> 01:05:02,157

And they are wonderful people who are

doing very much needed work and they have

:

01:05:02,157 --> 01:05:06,777

the resources to point you in the right

direction for where you can go next after

:

01:05:06,777 --> 01:05:10,667

they help you through a very sort of

critical moment that you are experiencing.

:

01:05:10,962 --> 01:05:11,382

Alexandra: Mm-hmm.

:

01:05:11,417 --> 01:05:16,658

Christine: So, yeah, I mean, where, where,

where shall we go from here, Alexandra?

:

01:05:17,258 --> 01:05:20,168

Alexandra: Well, I know that we

have gabbed for quite a while

:

01:05:20,168 --> 01:05:21,428

for people's ears, but I feel

:

01:05:21,443 --> 01:05:22,043

Christine: Yes.

:

01:05:22,118 --> 01:05:24,548

Alexandra: remiss if we didn't

address a little bit of the

:

01:05:24,548 --> 01:05:25,958

stigma around therapy, which

:

01:05:25,973 --> 01:05:26,453

Christine: Mm.

:

01:05:26,528 --> 01:05:28,418

Alexandra: sprinkled in

throughout this conversation.

:

01:05:28,538 --> 01:05:28,958

Christine: Mm-hmm.

:

01:05:29,108 --> 01:05:32,498

Alexandra: So, you know, we've talked

about, and we can talk a little bit more

:

01:05:32,498 --> 01:05:34,748

about why people hesitate to seek help.

:

01:05:34,778 --> 01:05:35,198

Christine: Mm-hmm.

:

01:05:36,158 --> 01:05:38,878

Alexandra: You have mentioned

misconceptions about what therapy

:

01:05:38,878 --> 01:05:44,428

looks like, who therapy is for, and

there's also some people, and I think

:

01:05:44,428 --> 01:05:47,908

there have been times in my life

where I've had this, the idea of I

:

01:05:47,908 --> 01:05:49,738

can just tough this situation out.

:

01:05:49,738 --> 01:05:50,638

I can just tough it out.

:

01:05:53,188 --> 01:05:54,778

but how is that really serving you?

:

01:05:54,838 --> 01:05:58,828

If you just tough it out, you may

never really deal with the underlying

:

01:06:00,058 --> 01:06:05,098

issue or cause or something, or, or

you're just, maybe you're not living

:

01:06:05,098 --> 01:06:07,618

your life as best as you could if

you sat down and dealt with it.

:

01:06:07,618 --> 01:06:07,828

So.

:

01:06:09,613 --> 01:06:10,993

The concept of toughing it out.

:

01:06:10,993 --> 01:06:13,913

If, if any of our listeners are sitting

there and going I have said that a

:

01:06:13,913 --> 01:06:19,943

lot and this episode has helped them

go, maybe it's okay that I just open

:

01:06:19,943 --> 01:06:21,563

up the door and have a conversation.

:

01:06:21,563 --> 01:06:24,233

Be curious and you can

find out down the line.

:

01:06:24,233 --> 01:06:26,003

Therapy really isn't for you,

:

01:06:26,678 --> 01:06:26,898

Christine: Hmm

:

01:06:26,933 --> 01:06:32,123

Alexandra: worth, if that is a, if that

is something you keep telling yourself,

:

01:06:32,158 --> 01:06:32,578

Christine: mm-hmm.

:

01:06:32,903 --> 01:06:33,473

Alexandra: tough it out.

:

01:06:33,893 --> 01:06:34,253

Christine: Yeah.

:

01:06:35,003 --> 01:06:38,453

And, and I was will say that

our conversation has largely

:

01:06:38,573 --> 01:06:40,133

revolved around talk therapy.

:

01:06:40,133 --> 01:06:43,253

There is a myriad of

other resources out there.

:

01:06:43,303 --> 01:06:43,843

Oh gosh.

:

01:06:43,943 --> 01:06:44,323

It just.

:

01:06:44,708 --> 01:06:45,488

Left my brain.

:

01:06:45,488 --> 01:06:49,538

There is another, you know, for different

situations, there's different ways.

:

01:06:49,538 --> 01:06:55,418

There's hypnotherapy, there's oh,

the, I forget the, the other form.

:

01:06:55,628 --> 01:07:00,308

Anyway, well we can, we can include

it in our show notes, but just

:

01:07:00,308 --> 01:07:01,598

wanted to, to make that note.

:

01:07:01,658 --> 01:07:06,548

We've largely been talking about around

talk therapy, but there are a lot of

:

01:07:06,548 --> 01:07:11,518

other versions of that that may be an area

that you need to look into for yourself.

:

01:07:11,578 --> 01:07:15,328

And there are, there are health

professionals who will, will make

:

01:07:15,328 --> 01:07:17,378

recommendations and help guide you.

:

01:07:17,798 --> 01:07:22,358

So, but you are absolutely right,

like in terms of the misconception,

:

01:07:22,358 --> 01:07:23,378

the idea of toughing it out.

:

01:07:23,618 --> 01:07:28,358

I know a lot of people, I, I was

having a conversation with a coworker

:

01:07:28,358 --> 01:07:31,478

the other day about how we sometimes.

:

01:07:32,123 --> 01:07:37,953

Wait to go to the doctor when we

are ill, because we wanna tough it

:

01:07:37,953 --> 01:07:41,583

out, see what's gonna happen, or,

and mostly that, that feeds into,

:

01:07:41,613 --> 01:07:46,083

because we know we're not gonna have

a appointment right away, right?

:

01:07:46,083 --> 01:07:51,093

If, and by the time you go, you're maybe

nine times outta 10 feeling better.

:

01:07:51,093 --> 01:07:51,603

So,

:

01:07:52,443 --> 01:07:52,773

Alexandra: Yeah.

:

01:07:53,088 --> 01:07:55,628

Christine: the that doesn't

necessarily relate to this though.

:

01:07:56,048 --> 01:08:01,538

I feel like therapy is a little more

it's not gonna cause you to, to have

:

01:08:01,538 --> 01:08:04,838

to wait such a long time because

there are so many resources, like if

:

01:08:05,318 --> 01:08:08,588

out there for you to, to sort of try.

:

01:08:08,918 --> 01:08:09,488

But yeah.

:

01:08:09,953 --> 01:08:12,593

Alexandra: and I'll say that it has

certainly had a positive impact on

:

01:08:12,593 --> 01:08:16,073

my life, and I think we've given

hopefully everyone, a lot of tips and,

:

01:08:16,372 --> 01:08:21,593

and tools to, to determine when it is

right for you, when it is not, if it's

:

01:08:21,593 --> 01:08:25,013

working, and how to maybe addressing

those situations if it's something

:

01:08:25,193 --> 01:08:26,513

you're still interested in pursuing.

:

01:08:26,872 --> 01:08:31,252

Because I really do think and believe

that therapy can only benefit you.

:

01:08:31,816 --> 01:08:32,116

Christine: Here.

:

01:08:32,116 --> 01:08:32,536

Here.

:

01:08:32,814 --> 01:08:33,504

Alexandra: All righty.

:

01:08:33,863 --> 01:08:37,464

Well, that is a wrap on today's

episode of The Mere Project.

:

01:08:37,464 --> 01:08:43,163

We have covered a lot of ground from our

personal journeys with therapy to breaking

:

01:08:43,163 --> 01:08:47,693

down common misconceptions and hopefully

giving you a really good starting guide if

:

01:08:47,693 --> 01:08:49,584

you're considering therapy for yourself.

:

01:08:50,024 --> 01:08:52,783

Remember, seeking

support isn't a weakness.

:

01:08:52,934 --> 01:08:53,774

It is a strength.

:

01:08:54,089 --> 01:08:57,477

We hope today's conversation gave you

some clarity and maybe even the push

:

01:08:57,477 --> 01:08:59,067

you needed to take the next step.

:

01:08:59,517 --> 01:09:03,477

If you found this episode helpful, share

it with a friend who might need it too.

:

01:09:03,926 --> 01:09:07,377

And of course, we'd love to hear

your thoughts and overshare.

:

01:09:07,767 --> 01:09:12,447

So DMS tag us or drop us a comment

about your own experiences with therapy,

:

01:09:12,777 --> 01:09:16,886

particularly if we continue to create

a community that is much more open.

:

01:09:17,636 --> 01:09:21,207

The negative stigma around therapy

will only get better and people will

:

01:09:21,207 --> 01:09:22,886

feel more comfortable seeking support.

:

01:09:23,787 --> 01:09:26,966

Make sure to hit that follow button

so you don't miss next week's episode.

:

01:09:26,966 --> 01:09:29,877

We've got something great in store and

we cannot wait to share it with you.

:

01:09:30,237 --> 01:09:33,447

Until then, be kind to

yourself and keep reflecting.

:

01:09:33,596 --> 01:09:34,497

See you next time.

:

01:09:35,261 --> 01:09:35,761

Christine: Bye guys.

:

01:09:36,011 --> 01:09:37,017

We'll see you soon.

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Profile picture for Christine Borowsky

Christine Borowsky

Introducing our enchanting co-host Christine, a nostalgic soul with a creative spark and an infectious optimism. A devourer of books, a music aficionado, and a film buff, she's immersed in the art of storytelling. Nature is her sanctuary, from forests to oceans. Eager for adventure, she's a perpetual learner, finding growth in every experience. Family and friends provide her comfort and joy. Unafraid of uncomfortable conversations, she navigates them with humor, believing they're vital for understanding and growth. Join her and Alexandra on this podcast where creativity meets curiosity, and laughter blends with wisdom.
Profile picture for Alexandra Montross

Alexandra Montross

Meet Alexandra, the spirited co-host of this captivating podcast, where everyday topics transform into enchanting conversations. With an old soul and a knack for the eclectic, she weaves a unique blend of organization and quirky charm into each discussion. Alexandra's passions span from wellness to metaphysics and dive into the thrilling world of entrepreneurship. Tune in for her lively perspective and insightful takes, adding a touch of magic to every episode alongside Christine. Get ready for a journey where Alexandra's vibrant energy and depth of knowledge create an unforgettable podcast experience.