Episode 8

Made for More

🎙️ Made for More – The Quiet Power of Resilience

Episode Summary:

Resilience isn’t loud. It doesn’t always roar or come with applause. Sometimes, it’s just the decision to get out of bed, to show up, to keep going—especially when everything in you wants to stop.

In this episode of The Mirror Project, we’re getting real about what resilience actually looks like in the everyday moments. Inspired by a powerful audio clip that hit us deep, we’re unpacking what it means to keep going not because it doesn’t hurt—but because you know you’re made for more.


🔹 The myths we’ve been sold about resilience—and what it really means to be strong.

🔹 Our personal stories of quiet strength—what helped us keep moving in the hard seasons.

🔹 Practical tools to build and sustain resilience—without burning out or pretending to be “okay.”


This one’s for anyone walking through the fire with quiet determination. Let’s get into it.


🎧 Listen Now on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or your favorite platform!

 

✨ What Resilience Really Looks Like

✔️ Busting the myth that resilience = stuffing it down or “just powering through.”

✔️ Exploring the different types of resilience—emotional, physical, spiritual, and communal.

✔️ Why real resilience doesn’t have an ego—and why that matters.

✔️ Our personal examples—because the small, quiet wins count too.


✨ When Resilience Is Tested

✔️ Our real-life stories of burnout, setbacks, and feeling like we had nothing left.

✔️ How to spot the difference between resilience and toxic positivity.

✔️ What helped us keep going—therapy, community, rest, and mindset shifts.


✨ Building and Practicing Resilience

✔️ Habits that strengthen resilience—like journaling, setting boundaries, and compassionate self-talk.

✔️ Reframing failure and rejection as fuel for growth.

✔️ How culture, upbringing, and identity shape our understanding of resilience.

✔️ The underrated power of humor, joy, and creativity in hard seasons.


 Closing Reflections

If you’re in a season that feels heavy, if you’re moving through the motions wondering when the weight will lift—we see you. The fact that you’re still here is proof of your strength.


Resilience isn’t about being unbreakable. It’s about being willing to rebuild—messy, imperfect, and real. It’s about rest, softness, and giving yourself grace when pushing through isn’t the answer.


💌 Tell us: What has helped you stay resilient? We’d love to hear your stories—DM us or share this episode with someone who needs a reminder of their own quiet power.


Until next time, take care of yourselves. You’re made for more. 💛

 

📲 Connect With Us!

💬 Follow us on Instagram, TikTok, & YouTube: @mirrorprojectpod

☕ Support us on Buy Me a Coffee: Support Us Here

📩 DM us your questions & topic suggestions – We’d love to hear from you!

👉 Next week’s episode: More real talk, honest reflections, and conversations that matter. Hit that follow button so you don’t miss a thing!

Hit that like, follow, and subscribe button, and we’ll see you next time! 🎙️✨

Transcript
Alexandra:

Hey there.

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Welcome back to The Mere Project.

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We're your hosts, Alexandra.

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Christine: And Christine.

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Alexandra: Today we are discussing the

kind of strength that doesn't show up

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in grand gestures or loud declarations.

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It's quieter, but relentless.

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It's the decision to keep moving forward

even when your body is tired, your heart

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is heavy, and your path feels lonely.

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A while back.

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We came across the trending audio

clip and it stopped us in our tracks.

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It said, you really think she keeps

going because it doesn't hurt.

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The truth is it hurts her more

than she will ever admit to you.

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When she's tired, she keeps going.

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When she's scared, she keeps going.

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When she feels like she's

going to fail, she keeps going.

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When she feels like she is all alone,

she still keeps going because she knows

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standing still is not going to get her

the life That she knows she deserves.

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So you can either get with her or

get out of her way because no matter

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what, she's going to keep going.

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That's not just a quote, is a whole

vibe for anyone who's ever had to keep

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going when their tank is on empty.

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Today, we're unpacking resilience, it

really means, how it looks in real life,

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not just the inspirational quotes or

posts, but in our daily decisions, our

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quiet battles, and the way we show up

for ourselves when no one's watching.

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We'll talk about how to build it,

how to nurture it, and how to know

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the difference between pushing

through and truly growing through.

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So grab your tea, get comfortable,

and let's get into it.

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Christine: Hey, before we dive

in, Alexandra, why don't we

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start by doing something new?

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Can we pull a card before

we start our chat today?

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Alexandra: Can we pull a card

of Yes, of course we can.

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And what a great topic since I

actually have a deck that is called

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Soul Seeds, words of Resilience.

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So I feel like this

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Christine: well that's pretty perfect.

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Yes.

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Hell yeah.

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Alexandra: listening, if you are

interested, this, this deck can be found

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by the artist Jessica Fellon on Etsy.

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So, all right,

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Christine: Thank you Jessica.

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Alexandra: hold while we shuffle

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that one.

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Thank you.

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Ooh, this is great.

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Great card.

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So it says, to take care of

others, I must take care of myself.

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Christine: Hmm.

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That is really good.

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is like that analogy you

always hear on the airplane.

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You gotta put your face mask on before you

should help, before you can help others.

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Alexandra: Mm-hmm.

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Christine: Because if you're

not well, then how can you

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properly care for someone else?

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Yeah.

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Alexandra: And I feel

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Christine: Mm.

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Alexandra: is something we're really gonna

get into in a little bit because as we

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talk about building resiliency and what

it really is, I think it's so often that

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we disregard we need in favor of others.

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Christine: Right.

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Alexandra: why don't we get into

what resiliency really looks like?

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So what are

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Christine: do it.

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Alexandra: about.

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that you've heard,

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Christine: I,

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Alexandra: heard, that we just

feel like are so inaccurate that we

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just need to say, Hey, based on our

experience, that's not resiliency.

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Christine: I think one of the biggest

things is like, just sort of when

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you're faced with hardship or.

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Something happens in your life.

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I think

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people believe that they should

suppress that of what's happening

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to them and not face it and just

try and keep moving forward.

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But ultimately that's just

gonna do you more harm.

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Alexandra: Mm-hmm.

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Christine: And like pretending that

everything's okay, even when it's

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really not okay it's just a form

of denial really, and that is not

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really helping you move forward.

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It's keeping you stuck.

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Alexandra: All right.

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Do you think that's something

people inherently do, or do you

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think it's something that we

have been conditioned to do?

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Christine: I think it's.

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I think

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Alexandra: I,

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Christine: it's probably

conditioned, right?

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Because one of the things that I

kind of took away from prepping for

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this episode and I was sort of like

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diving into more, 'cause like

you, for me, I, understand

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what resilience means, right?

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But I've not read a definition

or have looked up resources

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and, and things like that.

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So I, by prepping for this episode,

I was doing that a little bit and of

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the thing, one of the many things I

took away from, from it was that it,

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it's, something you can learn and

grow because it, it's how you learn

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to react to what's happening to you.

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How, how you, it's how you learn to

deal with what's happening to you.

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So if you're not given

the tools to properly

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to properly deal with what

you're going through, then

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you're already at a disadvantage.

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And I think culturally, more often

than not, we've been conditioned

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to keep things suppressed.

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And that in controlling it,

you have a power over it.

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By, by suppressing you're controlling it

and, and thus you have a power over it.

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But really it's just doing you more harm

and in a way harming you twice over what

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you're going through has harmed you.

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And now you're physically like.

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Well, potentially physically harming

yourself because of how stress and

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anxiety can have effects on the body, but

you're harming yourself in addition to

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struggling with what you're going through.

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Does that make sense?

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Alexandra: Yeah, absolutely.

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And I love what you

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Christine: Okay.

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Alexandra: tools and I

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Christine: Hmm.

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Alexandra: kind of goes to another myth.

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Like some people, oh, some

people are just resilient.

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And I think that's, many people

are finding that not to be true.

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It's something that we can and

we can practice and we can grow.

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Christine: Hmm.

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I wonder if people, go ahead.

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Sorry.

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Alexandra: I was gonna

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Christine: I was just gonna say,

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Alexandra: Alright, you go.

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Christine: I am so sorry.

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Okay.

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I was just gonna say, I wonder

if people think that sur like

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surviving and resilience are,

are synonyms of one another?

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You know, like in terms of, I

think people are hardwired to

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figure out a way to survive.

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Alexandra: Mm-hmm.

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Okay.

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Christine: And I think people may think

that by surviving something, you are

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resilient, but you can survive something

and not deal with what you have done.

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Not deal with what you have gone

through or survive you surviving.

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Doesn't mean you're, you're thriving

or healthy like mentally or that you've

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dealt with what you've been forced into

or what has happened to, to someone

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in your life or things like that.

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Surviving is just like figuring

out a way to keep living.

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But resilience is.

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One of the things we talked about

that you brought up Alexandra, in

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our prep for this is self, there's a

level of self-awareness that one has.

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So that's, that was what I was

so rudely interrupting you.

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I'm sorry you lost your train of thought.

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Alexandra: It's all good.

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Yeah, I like what you were saying,

and I think that kind of ties into

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resiliency is almost like the whole,

it's almost for the whole body, right?

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We survive things.

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Mentally,

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Christine: Hmm

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Alexandra: emotionally, and I think

resiliency can be built in each of those

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areas, like mental resilience, physical

resilience, and emotional resiliency.

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And I don't, and it's something I think

that each of them takes awareness about.

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Like you were saying, you have to

be aware of what you're feeling,

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you're reacting to it, and what is

your general response to something.

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And I think from there you can build

resiliency and patterns that help

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you not just survive something, but

as we previously mentioned, really

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grow from what you've been through.

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Christine: mm.

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Mm-hmm.

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Alexandra: And I think you brought

up a really interesting point when

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we were prepping for this episode.

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I think you mentioned something

about people idolizing or,

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not idolizing, have an

idealistic of survival.

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Can you share more about what you

were saying when we were prepping?

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Christine: Okay.

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Yeah.

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So I think, was this about ego?

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Alexandra: Mm.

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Yes.

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Christine: So, okay.

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So something that came to me as we were

first sort of spit balling ideas about

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how we wanted to frame this conversation,

something that kind of came to mind was

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this idea that resiliency has no ego.

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Meaning

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I think in the age we live in and

even since the beginning of time

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what kind of brought this idea

that resiliency has no ego was?

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I think from what I've sort of seen around

me, what I see on social media is peop

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some people using the idea of resiliency

as a way to brag about what they've gone

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through and boost their ego by saying,

look at me and all that I have survived.

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But I think resilience is something much

more quiet and it's sort of introspective.

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It's not, it's ego doesn't have a

place in that practice, so That's what

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really sort of hit me first when we

were thinking about the idea of, of

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resiliency and for those who have figured

out the tools you need to be resilient.

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, it's one of those quiet superpowers.

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And I, I like that idea.

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'cause it is a superpower because, and

one of the things I think we can all

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sort of take away from the idea of a

superhero is like, they're just, they're

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just doing what they, they're what

they need to, to keep moving forward.

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Alexandra: I

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Christine: Did that answer your question?

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Alexandra: I think so.

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Yeah.

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I think that perfectly shared

what I was trying to, to get into,

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Christine: Cool.

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Alexandra: and I think that you

make a really good point about

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what we see on social media, right?

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And different things

regarding this or any topic.

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We see very specific versions

that people are presenting and.

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you're right.

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I don't think ego has

a place in resiliency.

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Christine: Hmm.

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Alexandra: it's very different if

you see people, like you said, taking

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an opportunity to brag and say,

oh, look at what I have survived.

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and conversely, I do think there

are content creators and other

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people who share wonderful resources

on how to build resiliency.

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And I would

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Christine: Mm-hmm.

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Alexandra: to, to listen to those,

particularly if it provides practical

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application of resiliency, not just

a platform for somebody to share

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everything that they've survived.

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Not to diminish what have survived, but

as you said, I think there's a difference

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between surviving and bragging about

something versus that quiet superpower.

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Christine: Yeah.

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And I think there is a difference

between bragging and sharing your

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stories so others don't feel alone.

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You know, I think that's certainly one

of our goals out of this podcast and how

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I sort of wanna just live my life is be

as open and vulnerable as possible when

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I feel safe to do so, so that I can make

those around me, feel like they're not

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alone in what they're going through.

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So, yeah.

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Alexandra: I feel like that

brings up a great point

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Christine: Mm-hmm.

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Alexandra: about vulnerability.

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Christine: Okay.

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Alexandra: I'm trying to think

about how best to get into this.

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Okay.

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Christine, can you share

with us like the definition?

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I think sometimes

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particularly toxic positivity, I.

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Can kind of get or

conflated with resiliency.

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Christine: Mm-hmm.

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Alexandra: you've found pulled up

some definitions and information.

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Would you mind sharing with

everyone what toxic positivity is

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Christine: Yeah,

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Alexandra: is?

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Because I think that has a wonderful

tie in to, to vulnerability that

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you're talking about an a minute ago.

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Christine: sure.

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Yeah, absolutely.

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So talk to positivity.

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It's one of those terms that sounds

upbeat, sounds like it should be

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a good thing, but it actually is

referring to something pretty harmful.

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So toxic positivity is the

pressure to stay positive no matter

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how bad or painful things are.

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It's the belief that you should

always look on the bright side,

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even when what you really need

is support, empathy, and a

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space to feel your emotions.

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Whereas resiliency,

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Is the ability to bounce back from

adversity, adapt to change, and keep

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going in the face of challenges.

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It's not about avoiding

struggle, it's about moving

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through it and growing from it.

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so the takeaway from that I would

say is resiliency is facing something

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head on and working through it

while moving forward, whereas toxic

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positivity is suppressing or making

you feel ashamed about the struggles

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you're doing in an effort to just stay

positive and everything will be okay.

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Alexandra: And I feel like that toxic

positivity certainly is fed into

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by what you mentioned earlier about

people wanting to control situations.

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So they kind of shove stuff down

and being conditioned to do so.

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So it's really interesting to

see some of that conditioning.

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Christine: Yeah,

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Alexandra: into this toxic positivity.

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and I think you

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Christine: Yeah.

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Alexandra: about emotions

being labeled as not good.

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Christine: Mm-hmm.

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Alexandra: had mentioned this in

a previous episode, but I, I think

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that's a, I I don't know that that's

a good habit for people to get into

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as labeling certain emotions as or

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Christine: Negative.

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Yeah.

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Alexandra: Because if what we're

talking about with resiliency and, and

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vulnerability is learning to cope and

deal with and grow through emotions

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and say, okay, this is this situation,

this thing is causing this emotion

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and causing this physical reaction.

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Christine: Right.

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Alexandra: How do I deal with it?

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And so I think that's a really, I don't

know if dichotomy is the word I'm looking

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for, but it's a really interesting

almost like two sides of the same coin.

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Like one side, you've

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Christine: Yeah.

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Alexandra: and the other side

it's like faux resiliency.

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Christine: Mm.

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And to your point about there being

good and bad emotions, I mean, the

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only reason why something would be

bad emo, like related to an emotion is

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how you choose to act on that emotion.

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It's the action that can make it bad.

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Like anger isn't inherently a bad thing.

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it's a trigger for you to stop and with

the right tools, understand why you're,

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why you're feeling angry, like I just,

something have been unpacking more and

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more is, this is unlearning, or not

trying to put my emotions in a category,

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in a specific category, because they're

all important to help me understand

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myself, where I fit in the world,

why I am feeling the way I'm feeling.

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it helps, put it into words.

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and I think, and it to the point of we've

been conditioned to suppress things.

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We've been conditioned to think

there are good and bad emotions and

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that we should feel negatively or

positively about certain emotions.

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I think one of the things I saw

when prepping for this was you can.

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You can feel good.

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You can feel joy and

pain at the same time.

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Alexandra: Mm-hmm.

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Christine: can be hard to quantify, but

we as human beings are very complex.

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So, and we don't always fully understand

why we feel the way we feel and why we

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can feel two things at the same time.

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Why two, two truths can why

there can be two truths.

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Alexandra: Mm-hmm.

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I think that goes to the complexity

you were talking about and by

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saying, even thinking of emotion of

I can only feel this, or this is a,

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a lack of awareness about what we

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Christine: Yeah.

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Alexandra: or trying to control what you

feel that is really, I think sometimes

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before building resiliency practice, you

just have to be aware of how you react

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before, try before trying to control it.

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And as somebody who's a wee bit

of a perfectionist and likes

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to have a step-by-step, I.

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Lay out everything, you

know, know the answer.

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Where are we going?

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That's really, that's

a hard pill to swallow

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Christine: Sure.

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Alexandra: and, and

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Christine: Yeah,

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Alexandra: learn.

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Christine: And I think also

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in this, in this idea of, about how

we're conditioned, I think a lot of

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people may suppress things because they

think they're protecting themselves

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and it's like a trauma response.

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a way to shut down and not hurt

themselves further, but in actuality,

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that is doing you harm because you're

not able to move forward as a result.

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And that's when finding community, finding

professional help, whether that's through

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therapy can really help you build the

tools needed to work towards resilience

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and move through what you've been through.

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so my point was it's not

always intentional, right?

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Alexandra: Mm-hmm.

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Christine: it's what

you've been conditioned to.

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It's not always a conscious choice, but.

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to the point about learning to be

resilient, it's that self-awareness

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like you, you need to reach, reach

the point of okay, so what, my initial

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response isn't probably the healthiest.

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How do I, what do I need to do to move

forward from this in a healthy way?

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Alexandra: I think that's definitely a,

a trial and error process too, because

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Christine: Mm-hmm.

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Alexandra: I think resiliency

really is like an individual path.

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There are many tools that people can

collectively use and, and practice, but

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their results may not look the same.

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but yeah, I like that.

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Christine: on this note

about vulnerability.

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I think it's a, a perfect opportunity for

us to be a little v little vulnerable and

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share some personal stories and talk about

when resilience for us has been tested.

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So, Alexander, do you have anything

to that you wanna share or that

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has come up as we started talking?

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Alexandra: It's so funny, I was

just thinking, I think a lot of our

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conversations tend to, in my head, run

together because while we are talking?

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about specific topics and themes,

we can kind of see how everything

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isn't separated out that way.

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Like it all kind of

flows and works together.

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Christine: Mm.

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Alexandra: One of the big things I've

worked on resiliency around is what we

364

:

talked about in the, the therapy episode

and Body Health and image episodes, is

365

:

coping and dealing with my what eating

disorder when I was a teenager, and I

366

:

Christine: Mm-hmm.

367

:

Alexandra: think I did.

368

:

And I mentioned in the therapy

episode how much work I've done

369

:

in the past year in therapy.

370

:

Yeah, really a little over a year.

371

:

Christine: Hmm.

372

:

Alexandra: Actually almost a

year and a half at this point

373

:

to be, to be quite honest.

374

:

Is, and that's something that my therapist

has worked with me a lot is reframing and

375

:

keep going and, and I think there are many

things I'm good at and good at quickly.

376

:

And with my eating disorder, dealing with

not liking my body and wanting to lose

377

:

weight, but struggling constantly failing

to, in a way that kept stuff off, really

378

:

kind of tested, tested that, and I felt

like quitting and fa like I was a failure.

379

:

I was quitting all the time.

380

:

So really working on resiliency and

saying reframing what is my goal in,

381

:

in losing weight or loving my body?

382

:

And it's to genuinely love my body.

383

:

Not try to make it fit into

what the world says is beautiful

384

:

or other people's ideals.

385

:

What that looked like was resiliency.

386

:

And when things are not going my

way and it doesn't immediately

387

:

happen, how do I keep going with it?

388

:

How do I keep building the practices

that allow me mental flexibility

389

:

to deal with everyday life?

390

:

Because let's be honest, if we think

about like diet culture and stuff,

391

:

it's a very rigid, programs, right?

392

:

And it

393

:

Christine: Hmm.

394

:

Alexandra: some people.

395

:

I'm not saying it doesn't work for

everyone, but it works for some people

396

:

and for me it doesn't because it's

like you were talking about Christine

397

:

earlier, where are complex beings

and you can feel both happiness

398

:

and sadness at the the same time.

399

:

And I so think for me, kind of splitting

out, you know, I'm only gonna work

400

:

on the mental part of, you know,

m eating disorder or the physical

401

:

part in not integrating those two

402

:

Christine: Hmm mm

403

:

Alexandra: stunted me from

dealing with resiliency.

404

:

And this is a, lighter topic I feel

like, of building resiliency on.

405

:

But I think that's one thing I

really struggled with, and the

406

:

suppressing

407

:

Christine: I,

408

:

Alexandra: being disappointed and saying,

well, I haven't done this, so I just, I,

409

:

need to punish myself and work

out harder or eat whatever it was.

410

:

And

411

:

Christine: mm-hmm.

412

:

Alexandra: really, that's

not really resilience.

413

:

That was, you just survive something.

414

:

Christine: Right.

415

:

Alexandra: I don't know,

I was really surviving it.

416

:

So, Christine, now that

417

:

Christine: Okay.

418

:

Alexandra: I've shared

419

:

Christine: Mm-hmm.

420

:

Alexandra: maybe a more

lighthearted example.

421

:

Christine: I don't know

about lighthearted, but

422

:

Alexandra: What about you?

423

:

Where have you practiced

and grown resiliency?

424

:

Christine: so I think a lot of,

425

:

perhaps for me, the, resilience

has sort of come later.

426

:

Because I didn't know necessarily how

to face what I was dealing with in the

427

:

present moment as things were happening.

428

:

But one of the one of the thi recent

examples was dealing with the loss of

429

:

someone close to you, of close to me,

dealing the loss, dealing with the loss

430

:

of my grandfather as I was working.

431

:

Because up until that.

432

:

Point I, the people who had passed

in my life, I was in school.

433

:

The two I, my, my mom's father

passed away when I was in high

434

:

school, and it was in the summertime.

435

:

And then my grandmother passed away when I

was in college, and it was the summertime.

436

:

So those were my most recent

before my grandfather passing.

437

:

The most recent experiences I

had with losing a loved one.

438

:

And it was when I was on break from

from school, I was afforded the

439

:

time to deal with what I was going

through when I lost my grandfather.

440

:

I was working at my last job.

441

:

If you didn't, if there are new

listeners here what I was doing

442

:

before my current job, I was in event.

443

:

And fundraising.

444

:

Basically planning large scale events

for different clients which is a

445

:

very demanding job if you don't know.

446

:

Very stressful.

447

:

And I was in the middle though

I didn't necessarily know at the

448

:

time of a toxic work environment.

449

:

And I lost my grandfather in

450

:

the spring of 2022.

451

:

And it was, we were gearing up

for our spring event season.

452

:

So it was the first time I had to figure

out a way to deal with losing somebody and

453

:

just still showing up for work every day.

454

:

Alexandra: Mm-hmm.

455

:

Christine: and.

456

:

It was really hard.

457

:

I,

458

:

I remember my mom took me out to eat

for dinner the week he passed away to

459

:

let me know that this was happening.

460

:

I went into work the next day and I

shared it with my boss at the time.

461

:

And then with going into that

weekend he did pass away.

462

:

And for those who don't

know there is a bereavement.

463

:

Most jobs will give you

a bereavement period.

464

:

And that's sort of dependent on the

relationship of the, the loved one

465

:

who had passed away to you in terms

of how long they'll give you off.

466

:

However I wasn't afforded that at

my job at the time because of the

467

:

we were in our spring season and

I basically I think I only took

468

:

one or two days off of work.

469

:

And then I had to come back from

the weekend where we buried my

470

:

grandfather and do an event.

471

:

And that was really hard.

472

:

and I wasn't really given the support at

my job because there was, there wasn't

473

:

enough support staff one, we were a

very small, we were a very small team.

474

:

There was three of us and.

475

:

One of the team members

was sick at the time.

476

:

I'm now just remembering she had covid.

477

:

So we were already down a member and I

felt like I had to, I was put in the, the

478

:

very uncomfortable situation where like

I couldn't take the proper time to, to

479

:

grieve and to deal with what was going on.

480

:

So this was, this, this is why my point

of I didn't really necessarily do the

481

:

work and sort of move through until

well after it was happening because I

482

:

wasn't afforded the opportunity to do so.

483

:

and then, and then that

sort of just fed into.

484

:

That whole work situation, realizing

how toxic and harmful it was for

485

:

me, I had countless conversations

with Alexandra, her mom, my

486

:

mom, my fam, my dad, my friends.

487

:

And it sort of ultimately led to

this bigger sort of turning point

488

:

for me where I, I truly needed

to face what was going on, right?

489

:

I needed to do the I needed to do

the intro, intro like introspection

490

:

and gain the self-awareness.

491

:

Okay, Christine, you can't

just be numb to this.

492

:

This is actively harming you.

493

:

And only in this moment am I really

sort of correlating, like this was

494

:

probably the catalyst for me to

really think about, okay, this is,

495

:

how did I end up in this situation?

496

:

How do I, and how do I move

forward from this situation?

497

:

Alexandra: And

498

:

Christine: yeah.

499

:

Alexandra: there's something really

important that you mentioned in there.

500

:

Like you didn't have the time or space to

501

:

Christine: Hmm.

502

:

Alexandra: properly, properly deal with

the grief of the loss of your grandfather.

503

:

Christine: Yeah.

504

:

Alexandra: And I think that

reinforces because like you said,

505

:

it depends on your employer.

506

:

Not every.

507

:

is given bereavement leave

or has the opportunity.

508

:

there's many

509

:

Christine: Right.

510

:

Alexandra: life that happen without

us having the space and time to

511

:

Christine: To deal with it,

512

:

Alexandra: or

513

:

Christine: right?

514

:

Alexandra: to work through it.

515

:

And I think that just highlights

how important practicing resiliency,

516

:

building that up over time helps

us in those moments when you don't

517

:

have a lot of space or time to

deal with something that we can,

518

:

I don't wanna say deal with 'cause I feel

like that's oh, deal with it and get rid

519

:

of it, but work through what's happening.

520

:

I think that just really

highlighted that point.

521

:

Christine: Yeah, absolutely.

522

:

And I think in, in those moments,

what what helps the most in, in my

523

:

situation, it was the people around me.

524

:

It was my loved ones.

525

:

It was my friends and family who

were there to support me, hear, hear

526

:

me, yell, cry talk through and help

process what I was dealing with.

527

:

So really grateful for all of that.

528

:

Alexandra: And you were dealing with many

different things on many different fronts.

529

:

So it's,

530

:

Christine: Yeah.

531

:

Alexandra: yourself grace and, and it's

hard to give yourself time and space to

532

:

deal with one major change when you also

have a very difficult work situation or

533

:

Christine: Mm-hmm.

534

:

Alexandra: It's, it's

almost like what gets my

535

:

Christine: Yeah.

536

:

Alexandra: 'cause it all, you

know, it all requires attention.

537

:

It all requires unpacking or

dealing with, and coping with,

538

:

Christine: mm-hmm.

539

:

Absolutely.

540

:

Alexandra: well now that we've talked

about some of our shared experiences with

541

:

resiliency, do you have any examples of

when toxic positivity, which shoved in

542

:

your, I don't wanna say just shoved down

543

:

Christine: Mm

544

:

Alexandra: or, you grabbed on

to toxic positivity thinking

545

:

Christine: sure.

546

:

Alexandra: this is the thing

that'll help me through something.

547

:

Christine: Absolutely.

548

:

I think I struggle with toxic

positivity a lot growing up.

549

:

I don't, 'cause I feel like I don't know

about you, but to me that term is kind

550

:

of a buzzword term that I don't know

if it existed when we were growing up.

551

:

And similar to like toman, masculinity,

gaslighting, these are things that

552

:

always existed, but they didn't have a,

553

:

Alexandra: label.

554

:

Christine: the label

until fairly recently.

555

:

So I remember growing up and this, this

also is something I just sort of like,

556

:

was I typed in what is toxic positivity?

557

:

Because I, I, you know, like with,

with resiliency, I, I had a base

558

:

understanding of what that meant.

559

:

But it wasn't until I

like looked it up that.

560

:

It helped give examples to it too.

561

:

So for example, to examples

of toxic positivity is like

562

:

saying just stay positive.

563

:

If someone's grieving a loss, which what?

564

:

I would never say something like that

to somebody grieving responding with

565

:

everything happens for a reason when

someone, a friend opens up about a

566

:

tough situation they're going through.

567

:

Mm-hmm.

568

:

Alexandra: just pour lemon juice

and salt in the wound just.

569

:

Christine: Right.

570

:

That's, that's not helpful.

571

:

Alexandra: of tequila.

572

:

Christine: Yeah.

573

:

So both of those two points, I was

like, well, that's not something

574

:

I would ever even think about.

575

:

But then these last two

things was like, oh, okay.

576

:

So I, fell into toxic positivity

and I didn't even know it.

577

:

Those, those last two points

are forcing yourself to smile

578

:

and suppress sadness or anger.

579

:

I was the queen of that when I was a kid.

580

:

And feeling guilty for having negative

emotions because you should be grateful.

581

:

I struggled with that a lot.

582

:

The idea of I don't have any right to feel

s sad because I have a wonderful life.

583

:

I have parents who love

me a roof over my head.

584

:

A place where I am

loved and taken care of.

585

:

But, and it's not that I necessarily

was, can, like anyone said anything

586

:

to me like, oh, you shouldn't feel

sorry or . You should be grateful.

587

:

Alexandra: Mm-hmm.

588

:

Christine: That just was something,

I don't know where that came from.

589

:

That just was sort of for me as

far as I know, it was just a, a

590

:

natural thought that came to me.

591

:

It wasn't necessarily

implanted as far as I know.

592

:

I mean, I have a wonderful,

I have wonderful parents.

593

:

I only have positive I mean,

they're not perfect, but

594

:

Alexandra: No one is really

595

:

Christine: right.

596

:

But I have, I look back on growing up

and ha and while there were like some

597

:

hard times, there was also always a

conscious effort both my parents to,

598

:

to sit us down and like they wanted

to be better than their parents and

599

:

they were figuring out a way to show

up for their kids as best they could.

600

:

So that's what I remember

when I look back on it.

601

:

But I don't necessarily know

where that idea of I don't

602

:

have a right to feel this way.

603

:

took root.

604

:

yeah.

605

:

Alexandra: is really

interesting 'cause it, it truly

606

:

diminishes what you're feeling.

607

:

Christine: Yeah, I was diminishing, like I

was putting myself down like no one else.

608

:

No one was really doing it, but

I was doing it and I don't know.

609

:

Alexandra: And I almost wonder if it adds

in a, an unhealthy comparison to other

610

:

Christine: I

611

:

Alexandra: in their life.

612

:

'cause objectively you can, people

look at people's lives and say

613

:

they're better, they're worse.

614

:

But when you bring that into dealing

with your own emotions and what you

615

:

should and should not feel, it's a

very, I think we all hear oh, you

616

:

shouldn't compare yourself to others.

617

:

And for some people,

super, maybe really easy.

618

:

But for, I know.

619

:

Christina and I, we've had conversations

about how that can be difficult.

620

:

And then it's almost compounding

it by saying, I'm not even

621

:

allowed to feel this way.

622

:

Because in comparison.

623

:

Like you said, I

624

:

have a roof over.

625

:

I have loving parents,

626

:

Christine: mm-hmm.

627

:

Alexandra: which

628

:

Christine: Yeah.

629

:

Alexandra: interesting.

630

:

Made me think about that when you said it.

631

:

Christine: it was a perfect opportunity

to sort of reflect and, and think on

632

:

like how you might even, you might not

even realize what you're like inherently

633

:

doing and how it is actually harmful and

toxic to yourself, to those around you.

634

:

Alexandra: Mm-hmm.

635

:

Why don't we talk about some practices

and things to build resiliency.

636

:

What have you used in the past

to help build your resiliency

637

:

or start that journey?

638

:

Christine: big thing was talking

to my loved ones, to my friends.

639

:

That always helped me process

work through what was happening.

640

:

Write, writing things down.

641

:

I'm not the best at journaling, but in

the moments where like I couldn't shut

642

:

my brain off, like that always helped

in terms of getting it out of my body.

643

:

So.

644

:

talking to those closest to me.

645

:

Journaling

646

:

talking to myself,

647

:

Alexandra: Mm-hmm.

648

:

Christine: Trying to speak

kindly to myself I think

649

:

in one of our previous episodes, it

might have been the mantra episode or,

650

:

and then it, I think it came up again in

our new year, same us conversation that

651

:

we had a few weeks back that when things

were really bad for me a few years ago

652

:

with, with my job and all of that just

talking out loud to myself, trying to.

653

:

Talk to myself like I would a friend

or a family member who is struggling,

654

:

how I like, like I was struggling and

physically talking, like saying the

655

:

words out loud, not just in your head.

656

:

That really, really helped.

657

:

Alexandra: Mm-hmm.

658

:

Christine: So those, those are a couple.

659

:

what about for you, what sort of

practices has helped you the most?

660

:

Alexandra: Well, I think, don't know.

661

:

I've shouted it from their rooftops.

662

:

My therapist has really helped and what

she is really helped with me in terms

663

:

of resiliency is reframing situations.

664

:

Christine: Mm.

665

:

Alexandra: I think.

666

:

I don't always see myself or situations

very clearly, so it is very helpful

667

:

to have somebody else reframe.

668

:

And then that has since taught me

through practice and, you know,

669

:

sessions, to reframe for myself.

670

:

One thing I, I find interesting, I.

671

:

And helpful is meditation, but

specifically if people have heard of,

672

:

it's a witness meditation, so it's

673

:

obviously meditating.

674

:

And I think there's a misconception

about meditating, and I think we

675

:

might have talked about this in the,

the sayings in mantra episode is

676

:

like to clear your mind is the goal.

677

:

And it's not really, it's

just kind of to be quiet.

678

:

And as those, so the point of the witness

meditation as things, thoughts, emotions

679

:

come up is to notice them, be aware of

them, but not get attached to them, 'em,

680

:

and kind of follow them down a rabbit

hole or, you know, that, that process is

681

:

just to say, oh, hey, thought is there.

682

:

This emotion's coming up, to really label

it other than say, Hey, I notice you.

683

:

And I think that kind of goes

684

:

Christine: Hmm,

685

:

Alexandra: we had talked about earlier

what I think really is the first

686

:

step to resiliency is awareness.

687

:

So being aware of when you're being

really hard on yourself or when

688

:

you're suppressing emotions and

before jumping into dealing with

689

:

working with something, just saying,

oh wow, I'm feeling anger right now.

690

:

And just kind of letting it be.

691

:

I have found that to be really helpful.

692

:

Trying to think of what else.

693

:

And treating each moment each, time

you're confronted with, like maybe

694

:

something that triggers what would,

normally you say, I'm gonna suppress

695

:

this, or I'm gonna try and control this.

696

:

Or I'll just be.

697

:

Put a smile on and deal with

it later or get through it

698

:

Christine: Hmm

699

:

Alexandra: is to treat each opportunity

as moment as a new opportunity.

700

:

So, of building a bit more mental,

mental flexibility around things.

701

:

I think that's, that's what has helped me.

702

:

Christine: hmm.

703

:

Mental flexibility.

704

:

Hmm.

705

:

Alexandra: Which I think ties into

the self-talk, how you talk about

706

:

Christine: Yeah.

707

:

Alexandra: how you internally

talk about yourself.

708

:

Christine: very true.

709

:

Alexandra: I know we've talked about

like cultural upbringing, how that's

710

:

kind of had an impact on, this.

711

:

Is there anything you think we

are forgetting in the process of

712

:

building and nurturing resilience?

713

:

Christine: I don't know if we've

necessarily forgot anything.

714

:

I guess one thing we haven't explored,

I don't know how it would necessarily

715

:

factor into this conversation, but

in the idea of upbringing, there's

716

:

also like generational trauma.

717

:

Something that isn't even.

718

:

Necessarily conscious, but still affects,

if something happens in your family,

719

:

like the ramifications that has long

after something happens to someone I

720

:

think that factors in and plays a role

into your environment, into how you

721

:

view the world because it's what you

were taught to, to be the truth or what

722

:

Alexandra: Hmm.

723

:

Christine: reality was.

724

:

But yeah, no, I think otherwise

I can't think of anything else.

725

:

Can you.

726

:

Alexandra: Well, what, what role do you.

727

:

think joy or or happiness kind of plays in

this, this journey of building resiliency?

728

:

Christine: It helps me a lot.

729

:

It, does.

730

:

Like I would be a very different person

if I wasn't able to see the humor in

731

:

life or laugh at myself or be like, ugh.

732

:

Being creative to me is a, is a lifeline.

733

:

It's how I can make sense of things.

734

:

It's how I can express myself.

735

:

It can help me sort of like step

outta my world for a minute and just.

736

:

Because sometimes you just need a,

need, a break and not necessarily

737

:

disassociate, although, you

know, sometimes that happens too.

738

:

But it helps you focus on something else

for a little bit so that subconsciously

739

:

you can deal with something.

740

:

they, I think they have a huge role.

741

:

I think they are why a lot of,

would save a lot of people.

742

:

Right.

743

:

I think a life without humor

and creativity would be a really

744

:

bleak and dreary existence.

745

:

Alexandra: I'll say, I

746

:

Christine: So,

747

:

Alexandra: one benefit of our

friendship that you've really taught

748

:

me over the years is how to, how

to laugh at myself and, you know,

749

:

otherwise I can be a bit serious.

750

:

So,

751

:

it's, it's been super helpful.

752

:

Christine: sure.

753

:

Alexandra: that's an excellent point to

make in the, the building resiliency,

754

:

because certainly not something

most people come out of the gate

755

:

perfect at doing, you know, so being

756

:

Christine: Sure.

757

:

Alexandra: humor and, and laugh

as you, you mess up or you go,

758

:

wow, that didn't work, you try

759

:

Christine: Yeah.

760

:

I think ultimately

761

:

resiliency is okay.

762

:

falling down, that's inevitable, but

getting back up and even laughing

763

:

a little while you're doing it

is how you keep moving forward.

764

:

Alexandra: Mm-hmm.

765

:

Christine: Awesome.

766

:

Is there anything, any

other last minute points?

767

:

I think also since we started the

episode with a card, what if we ended our

768

:

episode with a card, with pulling a card?

769

:

How do we feel about that?

770

:

Okay, let's do it.

771

:

So let's do a little re remind.

772

:

Let's do a little reminder.

773

:

What was the one we pulled at the start?

774

:

Alexandra: So at the beginning we

pulled to take care of others.

775

:

I must take care of myself.

776

:

And then,

777

:

Christine: Okay.

778

:

Alexandra: So second card

779

:

there, it's,

780

:

Christine: Oops.

781

:

Ooh.

782

:

Alexandra: you.

783

:

Hmm.

784

:

Interesting.

785

:

What is truly for me will not miss me.

786

:

Christine: Okay.

787

:

I think it , there are little signs from

the universe that if you open yourself up

788

:

to them, they'll reveal themselves to you.

789

:

Well, thank you for doing that.

790

:

I liked this.

791

:

I, I think we should do this more.

792

:

So those listening, if you liked

the, that little element we've

793

:

added in this week, let us know.

794

:

Either way we're gonna keep doing it.

795

:

So,

796

:

Alexandra: She's it'll show up next time.

797

:

Christine: Alright, everyone.

798

:

if you're listening to this and you're

in the thick of it, tired, stretch,

799

:

thin, maybe even wondering if you've got

anything left in the tank, we just wanna

800

:

remind you the fact that you're still

here, still trying, still getting up.

801

:

That is resilience.

802

:

It's not about being unbreakable,

it's about being willing to piece

803

:

yourself back together over and

over again, even if it's messy.

804

:

Alexandra: Hmm.

805

:

Christine: it will be messy even if no

one sees it but you, and maybe resilience

806

:

isn't about pushing through no matter

what it's about, knowing when to rest,

807

:

when to ask for help, and when to soften.

808

:

Sometimes the most resilient thing

you can do is give yourself grace.

809

:

As always, we'd love to hear how

resilience shows up in your life.

810

:

What has helped you keep going when

things got tough, drop a message.

811

:

Share your story or send this episode

to someone who might need a little

812

:

reminder of their own quiet strength.

813

:

Until next time, take care of yourselves.

814

:

And remember, even when the world gets

loud, your strength doesn't have to be.

815

:

It just has to be yours.

816

:

Alright guys, we'll see you next time.

817

:

Bye.

818

:

Alexandra: time.

819

:

Bye.

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About the Podcast

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The Mirror Project

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About your hosts

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Christine Borowsky

Introducing our enchanting co-host Christine, a nostalgic soul with a creative spark and an infectious optimism. A devourer of books, a music aficionado, and a film buff, she's immersed in the art of storytelling. Nature is her sanctuary, from forests to oceans. Eager for adventure, she's a perpetual learner, finding growth in every experience. Family and friends provide her comfort and joy. Unafraid of uncomfortable conversations, she navigates them with humor, believing they're vital for understanding and growth. Join her and Alexandra on this podcast where creativity meets curiosity, and laughter blends with wisdom.
Profile picture for Alexandra Montross

Alexandra Montross

Meet Alexandra, the spirited co-host of this captivating podcast, where everyday topics transform into enchanting conversations. With an old soul and a knack for the eclectic, she weaves a unique blend of organization and quirky charm into each discussion. Alexandra's passions span from wellness to metaphysics and dive into the thrilling world of entrepreneurship. Tune in for her lively perspective and insightful takes, adding a touch of magic to every episode alongside Christine. Get ready for a journey where Alexandra's vibrant energy and depth of knowledge create an unforgettable podcast experience.